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Serendipity ~ A. Chase [Ash]

Book: Serendipity ~ A. Chase
Author: p0seidxns_f4v_ch1ld
Reviewer: _Ash_es
Chapters read: 10

Cover :4/5
The cover was really eye-catching and I liked the way you arranged the words on there. Though, I can't tell what's at the background. Maybe you could change it into something simple and clearer.

Title and blurb: 8/10
The title was interesting and the blurb was concise but you should have chosen between the two descriptions, preferably the first because it doesn't give out the main plot of the book. You should also remove the 'In which' at the beginning and at the end of the sentence, maybe add something that hints that on the course of the journey, she starts to catch feelings for Annabeth. Besides that, it's a nice one.

Introduction: 18/20
You used a prophecy to begin. Personally, I'm a huge Percy Jackson fan so I loved that. It's basically hinting at the adventures they would go on and it makes me curious to know who would be betray whom and what would be lost in the end. I think you should remove the 'In which' at the beginning of the summary below that and just start with 'the warpath' so it would look better.

Mechanics: 7/10
Your grammar and Punctuation was very good and I only found a few errors though you should try to lessen your dialogue tags and work on the dialogue punctuation. You got it at some parts but missed it at others. Try to lengthen your paragraphs a little more by joining the short individual ones to make it less spacious. In act two chapter 11, 'she convinced Annabeth that, that wasn't smart…' you should remove the comma after the that. It's correct without it.
In chapter 5, 'Cassie studied the woman's reaction'. Please note the errors. From what I read, I'd say you did a good job on your spelling and word choice but work on your mistakes.

Plot: 5/5
Amazing plot! You did the whole Percy Jackson adventure really well. It was as thrilling as the actual book and I felt the emotions pretty well. Good job there.

Originality: 10/10
I liked how you changed a few things from the original story. I also loved seeing Cassie's change in attitude towards Annabeth. That was good character development. They all got along and bonded pretty well and this made their adventure easier.

Writing style: 15/20
The fighting scenes were very vivid but you should try to tighten up your dialogue and add more descriptions. In chapter one, 'the shower started to rumble' would be better than started to act weird. Also, the bathroom should have been flodded or damp instead of soaked as it is not absorbent. When Chiron greeted, ' to the gods', everyone 'mirrored' his actions, looks better than 'copied'. Chapter two, Instead of passed by fast, I suggest you use flew by. When Percy was claimed 'all the campers fell to their knees' would work better. I won't forget to say that there was a significant improvement in your writing style towards the end.

Enjoyment: 17/20
It was a well done Percy Jackson fanfic. I liked the relationship and cooperation between the characters. Even from the main book, the part where they fought Medusa was one of my favourites.
The humor was done well and the adventure was exciting. You just need to fix the few grammatical errors I pointed out, work on eliminating excessive tags, and replace words that make the phrases sound awkward. I hope this review will help your book and you personally a writer.

Total: 84/100

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