& Them | A Stardew Valley FanFiction (Sequel to "Us")

Chapter 16 - Fall 21

Moonlight glinted off of the closed window pane, blue curtains wavering in the flow of the air conditioning directly behind them. I was braver than I felt as my hand raised and then knocked—late fall air shallowly filled my lungs until a tousled head of blonde hair faced me and hesitantly lifted the glass between us.

For a second, I could see him: the Sam I fell for, the Sam with mischievous eyes that you could swim in and that damn smile. It faded with the moment.

"Sam," I whispered, choking on the words. "Sam, please. We need to talk."

"Sade," he murmured, rubbing his temples. "I don't have anything left to say."

"Then don't say anything," I insisted, grabbing his hand. I could feel it lurch beneath mine. "Let me do the talking."

He nodded and stepped aside as I swung my legs over the base of the window. His stature was stiff beside me as I took in my surroundings—I'd never been in his bedroom before. Not this one, at least.

Nostalgia of a life I never lived washed over me as I looked around. I could imagine us at six struggling through multiplication tables together; at ten scheming to sabotage the egg hunt; at fifteen giggling as Jodi reminded us once again to keep the door cracked. At twenty thinking we wouldn't make it through, and at twenty-one doing it anyway. It'd felt like we'd done this a million times together—years of memories past and to come flooded my brain. Posters on the walls for movies we both watched as kids, hundreds of miles apart. Toys I'd seen and passed up, toys I'd always begged for and never gotten. Pictures of a version of Sam that I never knew, but would do anything to have gotten the chance. The Sam standing in front of me that would one day be painted with age. My Sam.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and felt the fabric of his shirt wrinkle beneath my grip. "I will fight with you," I said, staring into him. "I will fight with you about anything, for as long as forever if that's what it takes—you deserve to be fought for."

I watched his expression shift as he gulped. "I was stupid to let you leave after what I did. After how I hurt you; I will never make that mistake—any of these mistakes—ever again." I nodded as he furrowed his eyebrows. "And if you walk past me, I will follow you. I will always follow you, Sam. Anywhere."

"Why did you do it?" He asked quietly, stepping away from me.

"I don't have an excuse," I said. "I let impulsivity get the best of me. I didn't think before I acted."

"Did you forget to think the second time, too?"

Guilt ate away at my insides as he bit his nails, his cuticles filling with blood. "Sam—"

"God damnit, Sadie," he muttered, looking up. "What have you done to me?"

"What do you mean?" I choked out.

"You do the most selfish things, yet, somehow—" he stopped. "Somehow, I can't even stay mad at you."

"I want you to be mad, Sam," I probed, scouring him for an explanation. "You deserve to be mad, and I deserve to feel it. You can be angry, and we will work through it. We are strong enough to do that—please just tell me what you're feeling."

"What I'm feeling?" he asked. "You really want to know?"

I flinched at his voice raising slightly, but nodded. "Yes. Everything."

"Sade," he said defeatedly. "I feel head over fucking heels for you, and it's like you can't even see me. I'm your favorite friend when Haley's bitched at you, and a hook-up when Alex kisses someone else. I'm your muse when I need fixing. I'm a pawn for you to be a hero. But I'm real, Sadie. I'm a real person, with real feelings, and they've been yours since I met you. I've watched you be everyone else's, and I've loved you on the sidelines. I can't do that anymore."

"I do see you," I whispered. "I've always seen you, and that scares me to death. I wasn't ready to confront that before now."

"What if you decide tomorrow that it was easier to ignore it?"

"That's why I'm here right now, Sam. Once it's out, it's out. There's no going back."

"Then let it out, Sade," he said quietly.

"I—" I swallowed the nausea down and cleared my throat. "I love you, Sam. Plain and simple."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "It's not plain and simple."

"It is to me," I said. "It just is. There's no way around it."

"I've never been in love before," he said, his eyebrows furrowed. "But this feels anything but plain and simple. It feels like a dice with a million faces."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I don't know what it's meant to feel like," he murmured. "But I love you like a best friend, like family, like they do in those awful romance movies that you always make us watch; I love you like someone I want to grow old with and someone I want to stay in this moment forever with. All of the memories, the arguments...I felt differently each time, but underneath it all, it was the same. It was you. I felt it when I met you, and when you watched me yak my guts out the morning after; I felt it hours ago when you told me you were banging my therapist; I felt it during all of the moments in-between that. Shit, if this isn't our first time on this hell-hole earth, I can guarantee I felt it last time, too. If that's not love, then I don't know what is...but it's not simple. How can it be simple to you?"

"For those exact reasons," I said, grabbing his wrists and pulling him closer. "Because in the end, it's you and me. It doesn't matter what else is happening. It's just us. It doesn't get simpler than that."

He nodded, the movement so small that it barely was a movement at all. Maybe there was nothing left to say, and the only thing left to do was feel.

Without thinking, I wrapped him into a hug, burying my head into his chest. He smelled like home, his heartbeat syncing with mine and pulsing rhythmically in unison.

The world around us was still.