Thikaana

Seventy One

Sidharth had been driving and driving aimlessly all over the roads of Mumbai. His eyes were bloodshot and constantly wet as he drove. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know what was in front of him, he didn't know anything at all. He just kept driving all around, the empty roads were scaring him senseless. The pitch darkness of the night, was haunting him as he kept driving. His vision was blurring every few seconds with thick painful tears, and he was harshly wiping his eyes with the back of his hands as he kept driving.

"FUCKKKK. FUCK FUCK" he kept shouting as he would hit and slam the steering wheel every few seconds. He didn't have it in him to think of anything else, or say anything else. He was just so numb, he was constantly silently crying and cursing himself and everything around him. He didn't know what was going to happen in the next minute of his life. He could feel it slipping in front of his eyes.

He could feel his heart sinking down, deep down.
He felt so scared, he felt like his heart, his breathing, everything was dropping down and slipping right out of his body, his hands. He just couldn't think straight. All he was seeing amidst his blurry, red, filled up eyes was her face, her beautiful face. His Sana.

The instant he thought of her face, he sucked in a sharp breath and gripped the steering with a deathly hold on the steering. He felt like he was choking on his breath.

"No..this..NOOOOO" he shouted, his veins popping out.

His vision blurred. He couldn't see anything beyond her face. Her sparkling, shining, innocent eyes. The eyes that made his heart flutter and stop . The same eyes, which broke them both today. He let a painful sob escape his lips as he drove.

His heart was in his mouth as he parked his car back home. He had been driving around for God knows how many hours. He looked outside his car window and saw that the dawn was soon going to break. Another sun was going to rise soon, but what about the darkness that was suddenly engulfing him like a warm, thick blanket, what about the darkness that was suddenly surrounding him, covering up his eyes.

He didn't even have the courage to step out of the car and walk upstairs. He had no idea what he would be met with. He was scared to walk upstairs to his own house. Calling it his own home felt so strange. It was their home, their space. His own house, didn't feel like his own anymore. The home, that he had been living alone in for all these years, she had just suddenly come out of nowhere and changed the meaning of his own home for him. She made it their house.  She filled it up with her sparkle, her light, her energy, her warmth, her purity, she lit up his entire life, his soul, his heart, his home, everything that she touched. His Sana. No. She couldn't go. She just couldn't go. He was suddenly gasping for air as he threw his belt away and harshly pushed the car door wide open. He could feel his heart sinking lower and lower with every passing second.

There was this terrible fear and hollowness filling him up. He could feel it rising up his chest and suffocating him. His eyes were so red at this point, it seemed like a few blood vessels had probably burst in his eyes. They were scarily bloodshot.

He ran upstairs, despite his sinking heart. The moment he reached his main door, something inside him sank, and it sank terribly low. He pushed the keys in with his shaking fingers, his breathing was so ragged, he was sure that he was going to pass out any second now. He looked like a deranged man.

As soon as he pushed the door open, the silence and the darkness of the house instantly hit him in the face. He was so bloody scared to step inside. No. No. This wasn't happening.

He kept standing outside the entrance for the next five minutes, not knowing how to step inside, what to do, what not to do. He wanted to run away from his own house. He wanted to go and hide in his mother's arms. He hadn't known fear like this before. He kept his fist helplessly on his lips, looking to the side, then again looking inside the entrance. He then ran his fingers shakily through his hair. The fear, it was insane.