Summer Strangers

Chapter Twelve

"I love you so much my heart hurts. Is that what love's supposed to feel like? Pain?" -Carrie, The Carrie Diaries

*********************************

7:30 pm.

I take in a few breaths and let my tired body lean back on the soft pillows of my bed.

My fingers linger around the contacts on my phone. I hover around the 'Call' button on my chosen contact.

I close my eyes and take in a few breaths and press the button before I even realize what I am doing.

"Hello?" I hear the recognizable voice on the phone line and I jerk my phone to my ear.

"D - Dad?" I breathe and he doesn't answer after a while. 

"Amelia?" He asks a little more coldly now. My heart is thumping so loud. I'm terrified and overwhelmed by our last encounter together. He was so disgusted and denying of me as his daughter. So dismissive.

"Y - You haven't called in a while and... and I - I just thought that - " My voice cracks and I can't find any words specific enough to disguise my sadness.

"Please don't call me again. Your sister and I are alright... only if you stay away and leave us be." The phone line immediately falls dead, and that's when I realize that my cheeks are soaking wet with salty tears again. My eyes sting from the fact that I haven't blinked for a few minutes and I automatically shut them, causing more tears to linger down my cheeks. I wipe my eyes so many times that they become red and swollen. I try to look around, but my vision is blurry; difficult for me to see.

I collapse on the bed. Dejected. Swollen with emotions. I let out small gasps of air, and I try to whimper silently, not wanting to cause a scene or for anyone to hear and find me in this broken state.

My dad and my sister hate me.

I remember the time my dad found me in my room with the scissors in my right hand. I remember how pleasureful the pain was, and the blood coming out made me go even deeper, desperate to feel something other than Liam's body pressed against mine.

My dad said that I was a disgrace for this family and that God would punish me for self-harming.

I remember the disappointment and hate that rushed over his face, and how my mother kept trying to convince him that I could just go to therapy instead of kicking me out of the house or locking me into an asylum.

It was useless. They fought every night, undeciding what to do with their broken daughter.

Little did they know it was because I was raped by my best friend's boyfriend. I remember feeling alone, just like now. I remember not being able to talk to anyone because of how embarrassed and disgusted I felt for myself. I remember Jenna bursting inside the bathroom and caught "us" in the act. But she didn't know. She didn't know about his forced grip and my drunken, weak state. I couldn't protect myself. But how could she know now about the scars he's left me physically and mentally.

I remember Chad, my ex-boyfriend, spitting on me, after he found out, and then the news from Skyler that Jenna stayed the night at Chad's place, just to get back at me and Liam.

Before I know it, I find myself traveling like a ghost towards the Jackson's bathroom, with a blade in my hand, and I shut the door behind me. I sniff harshly, trying to breathe in the tears fighting to come out, and I finally attempt to ease the pain off.

As the blade prickles my soft, wrist in horizontal lines, blood comes pouring down. The pain reminds me that I'm still alive. The blood reminds me that I'm still alive. Amelia Donovan. Who is that?