lovely | thirteen reasons why

(20) tyler faces the music

Libby didn't sleep that night. Not a wick. She had been going through all the tapes on speed-run. She had to know if they were really all there or if it was some fluke. But no, all fifteen tapes were live and in stereo. Worse off, someone on this cursed website actually took the time to label them all and organize it from the original post, which try as she might she's not able to track the web address! Curse firewall!

It was all over. Her life, her future, Tyler's future, Tyler. All of it was over, she was going to watch it all burn down around her as she is helpless. Like she was when she was just a child. Her baby was going to die and there was nothing she could do about it. Unless there was a way to make them believe that Hannah was lying, or that she was completely telling the truth that it was just a hookup. And the only reason she was secretive about it was out of embarrassment for fucking him in the first place.

The idea is inviting for the reason of protecting her love, but it only made the feeling of dread all the more potent. Because judging by Tyler's reaction at the arcade, he is not accepting the way she's been pretending he means nothing. But this was the exact reason she broke up with him. To make it less painful. Libby was just now realizing that nothing she could have possibly done could make the hurting stop. She loved Tyler more than anything, and the only way she could be happy is being with him. Why couldn't her family just be normal?

The alternative is to break the one rule she promised to follow. To take Hannah's name through the mud, to delegitimize her word in front of a grand jury to save face and protect Tyler's honor. But she couldn't do that. After everything she put Hannah through, she was going to give her this. She was going to be there for her the way she should have when she was alive. So no, no slander and no writing off her baby. She had to be clever. And she was far too tired for that.

Her fears were echoing into her head as she stared at all the files.

Tape 1: Justin Foley
Tape 2: Jessica Davis
Tape 3: Alex Standall
Tape 4: Tyler Down
Tape 5: Courtney Crimson
Tape 6: Marcus Cole
Tape 7: Zach Dempsey
Tape 8: Ryan Shaver
Tape 9: Justin Foley pt. 2
Tape 10: Libby Clarke
Tape 11: Sheri Holland
Tape 12: Clay Jensen
Tape 13: Bryce Walker
Tape 14: Kevin Porter
Tape 15: Bryce's confession

It was seeing the other names, the names of her friends, that made her realize the obvious. It wasn't just about her. So many people were about to have their lives change in such a short moment. Bryce would not be able to hide from this, but also neither would Jess. Justin's grand return to Liberty will be shadowed by his actions, the exact opposite of what he wanted as someone redeeming himself. Most had owned up to what they did and would get out unscathed. Courtney and Ryan. Marcus was fucked. Porter was definitely getting fired. Clay will get sympathy. And her precious baby was in for a rough time. As the pieces of shit use the fuel from the fire to hurt him more. Which means he'll need her now the most. And she was going to try her hardest with constraints to provide some comfort. It would be hard. She imagined once any of her siblings find this she will be monitored more than ever.

Alex was the first person she called. He answered groggily, but once she told him about the tapes he sobered up fast. She tried to call Clay, but he wasn't picking up his phone. Libby has warned him time and again about the dangers of do not disturb overnight. She called Tony next, then Sheri. She gave them the instructions to spread the message as she proceeded to have her third panic attack of the night. She wanted her Tyler. She needed him so bad when she was like this. She wanted desperately to hear his voice, so she finally plucked up the courage to call him.

It rang three times before he answered. "Libby, please not tonight. I know. I'm sorry I was so cold at the arcade. I just can't deal with Zach most of the time and it's starting to get really hard seeing you abandon me for the sake of your family never finding out about us."