The Art of Dilapidation (Kellic)

18: Love & Pop Tarts

Vic's POV

I woke up to the not so pleasant sound of cabinets slamming open. Fear sparked up in my chest as I shot up into a sitting position. It may have been irrational of me to immediately jump to the conclusion that Kellin was drinking again when the only clue I'd had was the the aforementioned noise, but I was not exactly feeling entirely pragmatic that morning. I practically flew off the couch and into the kitchen, fully expecting to see Kellin getting drunk again, but that wasn't what I saw at all.

The liquor cabinet was indeed open and Kellin did have a bottle of vodka in his hand, but he wasn't drinking it. Instead he was pouring it into the sink, glaring at it angrily. His gaze snapped up to me when I entered, but he quickly looked back down. "Morning," he said in a low voice, scowling.

"Good morning, sunshine," I said teasingly, slightly amused at the look on his face.

"Don't," he growled, tossing the empty bottle in the trash and grabbing a fresh one.

"Alright. Not today," I sighed. Kellin didn't look up at me. I watched as he dumped the alcohol down the drain, a look of intent concentration on his face. "Do you remember anything from last night?" I asked. Maybe that was why he was acting so strange. Maybe he remembered kissing me and now he hated me. I knew he hadn't really wanted that. Why would he? He could probably get Andy if he wanted. Oh God, what if he already had Andy and that's why he was so pissed.

"No," he snapped. "Just getting insanely drunk." Half of me was relieved, but the other was disappointed. He didn't remember kissing me at all. He didn't remember telling me that he loved me. He didn't remember the feeling like I did. No, he didn't remember a damn thing.

For me, on the other hand, the memories were the only thing occupying my mental space. I couldn't get the feeling of his lips against mine out of my head. I couldn't forget the taste of his tongue as glided against my own. The sound of his voice rang in my ears like an echo. The sensation of my hands gliding over his skin seemed to consume everything. I could only think about how much I wanted to do it all over again.

"God, what the hell was I thinking?" Kellin muttered. "That was so stupid. What good did I think was going to come from that? All I've got is a headache and a gap in my memories." Anger made his tone as sharp as a knife blade. I didn't know what to say, so I just listened as he continued his mini rant. "I just don't know what I'm even doing anymore, Vic! What is even left for me anymore? I can't take this! I'm all alone!"

"No, you're not. You've-"

"Yeah, I know," he cut me off with a sarcastic smile. "I've still got you, right? Well, you'll be gone too one day. Unless I missed the memo, you're not going to live forever! We're both alone, Vic! All of us are! So tell me, Vic, if every living thing dies alone then what am I doing here?"

Silence.

What could I say to that? I opened my mouth and then closed it again, unsure of myself. "You don't know," Kellin said with a humorless bark of laughter. "Of course you don't. Well, I don't know either. I don't know anything! What the hell am I supposed to do now, Vic?"

"Now," I said, cautiously stepping closer, "you pick up the pieces and start again."

"What's so good about picking up the pieces? What if I don't even want to? It's no good, Vic! It's not! I can't-I don't want-" Kellin broke off and started crying, his shoulders shaking. He didn't protest as I hugged him close. "I don't want to live like this," Kellin sobbed. "I can't! It's not fair, Vic! Why can't I just have a normal life? Why can't I just have my family back?"

Kellin kept crying and I held him until his tears stopped and he just stood there, trembling in my arms. Suddenly he swore and pushed me away. I gave him a confused and slightly hurt look. "It's Monday, Vic," he explained.