A Step Off the Path

Alicia, the schoolgirl

Prelude

My name is Alicia. I'm twenty-seven years old. I'm a clinical psychologist with my own private practice and I do some casual work at the local university. I also provide professional consultancy in my area of expertise.

I expect to complete my PhD this year - I've been working on it part-time for the past four years.

I've had a partner for the last two years. He's ten years older than me, a wimpy, dreamy sort of guy, an academic - philosophy. We're not exactly sexual animals, but we're comfortable with each other and our domestic life is satisfying.

I'm a transgender woman; I'm completely upfront about that, and always have been. Want to hear my story? Read on.

Chapter 1: the problem

It's always a buzz to overhear nice things said about yourself. I'd come out of my bedroom and heard my parents talking in low tones in the living room.

Dad: "Bea, Alan's a great kid, we could at least put it to him."

Mum: "You're right, of course, he's a terrific kid, but this is too much."

Dad: "We're getting pretty desperate, love."

Mum (despairing): "I know, Larry, but it's just not fair to Alan."

Dad: "No, I suppose not."

I walked in, "What's not fair to me?"

Mum gave me a weak smile, "It's nothing, love."

In two weeks' time, my parents would be leaving on their dream holiday - ten weeks touring Europe - that was, provided they could find a boarding school for me to attend for the school term corresponding to their time away.

The holiday had been in planning for nearly two years and I had been booked into St Luke's boarding school from early in the piece. And then a few weeks ago, St Lukes had suffered major fire damage; they wouldn't be able to take students for at least six months.

A desperate search for another school began. Suitable alternatives such as relatives or friends weren't available. The dream was in jeopardy.

Chapter 2: a girls' boarding school?

I was nearly thirteen years old and was in my first year of high school. I'm an only child.

Mum nearly died giving birth to me and Dad had put his foot down, "No more, I can't risk losing you."

I'm sure that Mum would have liked to have more children, but accepted Dad's edict.

We were a caring and loving family, and I was generally a happy and confident kid. I wasn't a big boy and had copped some bullying over the years, but nothing too serious.

I sat down opposite my folks, "Come on, what is it?"

Dad smiled, "It's a boarding school, Alan."

"Good."

"No, it's not good," from Mum.

"Oh, why?"

Dad gave a half snort-half laugh, "It's a girls' school."

"What, they take boys as well?"

"Not exactly."

"What then?"

Mum sighed, "Go on, Larry, you might as well tell him."

Dad said that a few years ago, the school, Caroline College, had accommodated a young boy for a short time and they were prepared to do the same for me.