Useless Struggle!

One last trip..

One might call me crazy but I honestly thought it was a good last joke or maybe it was not. Ron looked at me as if I was crazy before I gave him a plate as well and walked out with my portion alone.

Me: Feed the others.

Ron: Master Cale...

Me: Not today.

That was really all I said before I went back looking around and then making my way out of this goddamn house. I just wanted to be left alone and I wanted to feel nothing but my inner peace. Honestly I felt more bad recently so having my pasta in my hand and sitting right there in the garden of this house helped me relax a bit. Well that was until the cats came over and Ron was with them as well as the dragon.

Ron: I never knew you could cook, Master Cale.

Me: Now you are calling me Master?

Ron: When did I not call you with respect.

Me: Did you ever meant it?

Ron: ....

Me: Besides enjoy it. 

On: I want some too.

Hong: Same here!

Dragon: This really smells good. Human give me the plate!

Ron: *sigh*

I started eating while watching Ron putting the plates down except his own. He came over to me when he finished giving the rest of them some food and sat right next to me. For me it was clear that he wanted something from me but I didn't really know yet what it was or what he was here for. There had to be a reason but I couldn't understand it or see it as of now. The most logical thing would be my family sending him over because of my stupid ass.

Ron: This is quite good.

Me: Spaghetti Carbonara. 

Ron: Pardon?

Me: This is how it is called.

Ron: Alright... this Carbonara is really good. How about you tell me how it is made?

Me: Sure...

Just like that I told him how I made the food and he listened and this time I could feel that he was actually interested in it. After that he told me that the ship was ready and I should be looking forward to this. Then he told me that there could be whales out there and that we should be careful. I didn't care about all the warnings and ignored him for so so long until I heard someone snipping.

Ron: Cale?

Me: Yes?

Ron: Are you listening?

Me: I am.

Ron: Then what did I say?

Me: We might find some whales.

Dragon: No need to worry about this. I will protect Cale from danger.

It seemed as if Ron was really worried about this. As much as he was worried about our safety, I was worried that this might not be my last day. I just wanted this to be the last. Even if I wanted to just jump, I still feared that there could be something. The thing was... if a whale would attack us, I would be the one who would jump in front of them. I wanted to actually embrace everything and let this all be something in the past.

While these two were talking, I started to ignore everything and not only that but I was blaking out mentally as well. It felt as if I was loosing my mind by now. I wasn't sure if I was indeed insane or if my feelings were really mine.

Me: When do we get on the boat.

Ron: Pardon?

Me: I asked when the boat will go?

Ron: As I said, once we are done with our food, we can immediately go there.

Me: Ah I see.

Dragon: Huma-

Me: If you mean me, I have a name.

Dragon: Cale, are you alright?

Me: Just tired.

Ron: Master Cale, are you even sleeping properly?

I wish I had said no since that was the truth. It was also the truth that I didn't sleep for the last 2 days. I was just simply done. Then again in my dreems I see something haunting me which was more than worrysome. I could see my dear friends and everyone here die. It was when it first started that I could see what was wrong. I started to feel as if my death would be better than theirs. That was when I first started loosing myself and think about everything. Since when did I start to feel as if this life was really mine? It was not and yet I did forget everything about my past and that worried me. I was scared and the more I was thinking about it, the more I was losing myself. This was not me! 

THIS WAS JUST NOT ME!

I wished I still knew who I was but I didn't anymore.