Death Notes

The Only Answer is Murder- Beyond/L/Light

Warnings for: Domestic violence/abuse, mentions of suicide and murder

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L always knew his soulmates would hit him. L had always been a small, frail boy without many means to protect himself. His sharp mind and cutting words were meaningless against hardened hearts and bloodied fists. When he looked in the mirrors as a small child, he saw the dark shadows turn into even darker bruises. His pale skin seemed lighter, likely due to the shadow of bruises he knew would be real soon enough.

Watari, however, always kept L away from the other children. He hid the child's existence away. L had a lonely childhood, watching the other children play while L sat behind a computer screen and solved another case. If L thought about it too much, he could envision himself as the victim. He could almost feel his soulmates killing him, one holding him down while the other choked him. He hated solving cases where domestic abuse occurred— he always screamed and cried after solving them, and Watari eventually cut out any information regarding domestic violence. Even with the words blacked out, L could still tell it was there, lingering under the surface. No one could hide anything from L.

L noticed the day the new boy came to the orphanage. Watari locked L away in the closet, telling him to stay exactly where he was. L crouched in the dark closet, shaking and crying the entire time. He knew that Watari was trying to protect him, but L had a feeling that one day, he'd end up in a closet and never be let out. L was almost sure that the next time someone locked him away, it wouldn't be Watari. The next time, L was positive he would be dead. Watari let him out later that night, telling L to stay far away from the new boy.

"Beyond Birthday is a dangerous young boy. He's very smart, but there's a rumor he killed his parents." Watari closed his eyes and clasped his hands as if in prayer. Under his breath, he muttered, "I'm so sorry L. I'm so sorry Beyond found you."

Beyond Birthday's name sent chills up L's spine. L had never seen Beyond, but he had a feeling he knew what he looked like: long dark brown hair that fell in front of his face, blood red eyes, a twisted smile, cracked fingernails, and long legs. L had seen Beyond in his nightmares. Beyond had always choked him while the other one— a boy with a disinterested expression and a turtleneck sweater— held him down. L wondered how long he had until Beyond found him. One day, L knew Beyond would seek him out. And L wouldn't be able to hide.

L wondered where the other boy was. The one with the charming grin that turned into a dark sneer when he got home. The other boy was worse than Beyond. Beyond's insanity lingered behind his bright eyes— in L's dreams, at least. The other boy was charming, almost godlike. The other boy cuddled L before violently slapping him. The other boy had money, a powerful position within society. It hasn't happened yet, but L has seen the older version of the boy. He'll be a cop in the country of Japan, and he'll kill people.

L has never had a dream about how exactly they find him. He doesn't know how old he'll be. He only knows that they'll find him and kidnap him. He'll belong to the two of them, living only to serve them and take their angry blows. L wasn't sure if their relationship started out angry or if everything was decent in the beginning. L never wanted to find out.

Watari protected him, and he'd never let L get hurt. He would kill the two of them if it meant keeping L safe.

L went to bed, dreaming of his soulmates. They killed him in a thousand different ways, but one thing never changed— Beyond always killed him while the other boy watched or assisted. For whatever reason, the other boy couldn't initiate the murder. L had so many dreams of his soulmates killing him that he didn't even wake up screaming anymore. He was so numb to the idea of his death that he forgot it was something he should fear. It was hard to fear something he was exposed to daily.

L was just waiting for the day they found him. He wondered if the sun would be shining the day he was violently snatched away from Watari. He thought it would be ironic if he was abducted by two cold-blooded killers on a warm, sunny day. It would be like the story of Persephone being snatched away by Hades all over again, the same miserable fate playing out thousands of years later. Time had passed, but beautiful virgins were still stolen away from their guardians, led far away from the only home they'd ever known. L knew that once they abducted him, he would never see Watari again. He almost hoped he'd be dragged away on a cold winter day— it would be fitting from him to be violently taken during a season where nature showed how brutal it could be.

He had a dream on a cold winter night, one that finally focused on just the other boy. The boy peered down at L, staring at him with reddish brown eyes. The other boy wrapped himself around L, offering up sweet words of praise while he kicked at L's small frame. He pampered L's neck in gentle kisses while he kicked L's ribs, the bones making sickening cracking noises under the pressure of the boy's kicks. The boy told L how much he loved him when he continued to beat at L's tiny frame, how beautiful he looked while bruises formed on his pale skin. The boy got up, hollering for Beyond to come and 'clean up the mess'. This boy, for whatever reason, could beat him but never kill him. The boy never told him his name, but L woke up knowing it. Light.

L wondered if it would be more powerful if he killed himself first. The idea of his own death felt so fixed, so unchangeable, that L had come to terms with the fact that he would die before he was thirty. In his dreams, he always died young, still beautiful and without a wrinkle. If he had to die, he wanted it to be on his own terms. His final act would truly be his. It would surely piss off the two he was fated to be with, and that brought L more pleasure than anything else could have.

Sure, he had a set of destined soulmates, but they hated him. And maybe he hated them too. Maybe he'll kill them before they can kill him. He has never had a dream where he kills them, but he could always do it. He wondered how it would feel to be the one to snap their necks while they watched with terror in their eyes. He wasn't sure which one he would kill first. Part of him wanted to kill only one of them and keep the other around, but L knew he wouldn't be able to take such a chance. Both of them wanted L dead or suffering, and L knew that there was no fixing either of them.

The only answer was murder. L just didn't know whose murder would solve everything: his or theirs.