Tainted Love

IV

A month has passed. And Louis is better. Really. It has become easier to fill his hours separated from Harry and he has gotten used to spending his free time alone. Or rather, meeting different friends and acquaintances. His new album is number 1 in different countries and that too is something that has helped him through the pain of the breakup. In addition, he still has various appearances in TV shows or radio interviews before his tour starts soon. His days are filled while his heart still feels strangely empty.

Harry and he have stopped publicly dissing and it has gone quiet about his ex boyfriend. What Louis finds more than strange, seeing  he is still a popular model. Or Louis just notices it so much now, because it has become his daily routine to look for news about him on his mobile phone while lying in bed in the evenings. Only to throw his phone next to him on the mattress in frustration when he finds nothing again.

And yet at this moment he wishes he hadn't dreamed of a reaction from Harry so much when he goes about his evening routine again. Because what he sees all over social media that night throws him back in all his progress.

This time he throws his mobile phone aside in shock while he hears his pulse pounding in his ears and he has the feeling that his heart will jump out of his chest in the next moment. He quickly grabs it again and holds it in front of his face and stares at the picture that can be seen on the display.

Harry snogging wildly with his fitness trainer in a club.

The fact that he has his eyes open and stares in the camera in almost every picture surprises Louis but does not reduce the pain that even makes him twitch physically. Is this a lousy game Harry plays with Louis? Harry always knew how jealous Louis was of the other guy. Tall and fit and so very different from Louis. His imagination was always running wild when Harry left for his daily workout or even worse, when he wasn't even near him so that Louis could at least cover him with kisses right afterwards. Two sweaty handsome men in a room and Louis trusted Harry, really. But his own insecurities surfaced, nagging at him and slithering through him like dark demons during these hours.

And with him of all people, Harry was snogging around for everyone to see. Provocative in one of the trendiest clubs in London. Louis can't hold back his tears at this, doesn't even want to, because it hurts so damn that Harry did especially that. Now he can no longer convince himself that Harry might be just as miserable about the breakup after all. Despite everything, it was Louis who kissed him last. But not anymore, because there is proof that Harry is doing damn fine without him and someone else enjoying his lips. Sobbing, Louis stares at the picture, tears running down his cheeks, but seeing that there's even a video of it makes him sick.

Still, he has to torment himself, has to watch Harry kiss him. Maybe just as passionately as he had kissed Louis? Does he hold Mr. Muscles around his waist like he held Louis? Does Harry put his hands on his cheeks the same way he did it with Louis?

His hand trembles as he presses his thumb on play and watches through tear-stained eyes as Harry keeps opening his eyes every now and then as he kisses the other man. And yet their bodies rub far too tightly together and Louis hates every single touch of Harry's body by Mr. Muscles. Raw jealousy floods Louis and this time he throws his phone in anger into the dark room. He doesn't care if it broke or where it is. Everything doesn't matter. He pulls the covers over his head and curls up under it. Tries to hold himself together while feeling like he's collapsing. Harry and he are definitely over and Louis hits this realisation more than hard.

Sobbing, he comes out from under his covers and gets his phone, which is still in one piece on the floor. Back in bed, agitated, he dials Krystal's number. He doesn't care if they haven't been in touch since she left and each stubbornly awaits the other's first step. He needs his best friend now more than ever.