Falling in Love Backwards

Hiding the truth

Yesterday I watched the love of my life marry someone else, and last night I drunkenly gave myself to his brother.

As quietly as possible left his room at dawn, hoping against hope that no one would see me leaving. I guess I'm just not that lucky, because as I walked out the front door I was spotted.

"Oh, to be young again." Dale murmured, as I passed, flicking his cigarette ashes away.

"You're not that old, Dale." I respond ruefully, knowing that I'd been caught.
"And what are you doing here?"

"I came to get the bride and groom, as I'm their ride to the airport. The better question is, why are you sneaking out at dawn? The proverbial walk of shame?"

The look on my face must have given me away. I felt tears sting the edge of my eyes, but I blinked them away.

"I- uh I'm just-"

"Don't worry Hun, I won't say anything to anybody. Now hurry before someone else catches you."

"Thank you." I muttered quickly turning away, but not before catching a smile tugging at his lips. I hoped he would keep his word.

***

So far my secret was safe, but since I hadn't seen Kade in almost 7 weeks it was hard to say if he remembers or not. I wasn't avoiding him exactly, it's just that I hadn't been anywhere for him to see me. But today was the end of my hiding.

"Hello darlin'." I had my back to him, and even though I couldn't see his face I was hesitant to turn around, afraid of what I might find displayed in his features. But I did anyway.

"Hey, Kade." I greet him shyly, not quite meeting his eyes. "How have you been?"

"I'm great actually, I've just gotten a promotion at work." His easy smile told me all I needed to know. He didn't remember that night.

"That's great, does that mean more work for you?" I wasn't actually paying attention. At that moment a wave of nausea hit me, it was all I could do to remain composure.

"Paige, are you okay? You look a little sick." Concern was written on his face but I waved him off, as the nausea subsided.

"I'm fine, now tell me about your new promotion."

"I'll have to travel to Colorado for work a couple times a year, but other than that it's pretty much the same." Kade was an oil field worker, the hard work made his body lean and strong and the sun made his skin golden. Which I was just now noticing.

"Traveling sounds fun. Maybe I'll have to visit you sometime." I smirked up at him, more comfortable now that I know he doesn't remember.

"I'd like that, but I've got to get to work now." He pulled me into a hug. And just as we pulled apart he whispered into my ear. "Goodbye Darlin' I've got someone else to 'assault with my personality'."

Shit. He remembers.

He walked away as though nothing had happened, not once looking back at me. My face was a mask of shock. And anger.

How dare he act like that. How dare he act like nothing happened, like I didn't give him a part of myself when my heart was so fragile.

Needless to say I was livid for the rest of the day.

Hours later, at the end of the work day, I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I had spent the whole day baking breads and creating new recipes for the cupcakes display case, so that I wouldn't think about Kade. Nothing ever goes as planned.

"Ugh men." I muttered angrily to myself, more than once, while I was working. My coworkers must think I'm going crazy.

"Paige, give the cupcakes a rest and go on home." Daria said just a I was finishing the decorations on a chocolate raspberry filled cupcake with a buttercream frosting.

I sighed but nodded, starting to clean up. But was shooed away. The day was almost gone when I made it home, but I still had so much to do.

Immediately I started working on my school work, trying to finish my degree as a pastry chef. I had dreams of owning my own bakery, and spending all day creating new cupcakes. I had almost a year left before I graduated and it couldn't come soon enough.

Just as I sat down another wave of nausea hit me hard, sending me running to the nearest bathroom. I proceeded to empty my stomachs of it's contents.

"What is wrong with me?" I muttered resting my head on the edge of the bath. Once I was sure I wasn't going to be sick again I cleaned myself up and went back to my work. Maybe a few hours of work would help take my mind off of my troubles.

So that's what I did. I worked long into the night to catch up on my work, and at nearly 1:30 in the morning I finally closed my laptop. Glancing at the clock, it read that I would only be able to get a few hours of sleep at best, but a little is better than nothing. Right?

I stood up to get ready for bed and was once again hit with nausea. I swayed on my feet but managed to grab the edge of the table to steady myself.

"What is wrong with me?" I wondered out loud once more, but dismissed it as I made my way to the bedroom. Maybe a good nights sleep would help.

***

I woke up at 6 in the morning to get ready for my shift at the bakery, but the nausea and tiredness got the better of me. I called my boss.

"Hello, this is Faye."

"Faye, I'm not going to be able to come in today. I think I'm coming down with something." I muttered into the phone, absentmindedly rubbing my churning stomach.

"That's okay Honey, you work too hard anyway. Take a few days off, and feel better." Faye was an older lady, who owned the bakery in town. She had no children of her own and treated me like a daughter. She was far to good to me.

"Thanks, Faye. I will." Hanging up the phone I climbed back into bed, hoping that if I slept all day I would feel better by tomorrow.

As sleep took me I felt as though I was forgetting something, but my brain was so foggy that I couldn't quite remember what it was. All I could think about was Kade. Stupid Kade and his knowing smirk. Stupid Kade and his beautiful body.

Where had that thought come from?

***********************************
(Author's Note)
The pic is of Paige, she's 20 years old