An Insight Into The Mind of a Trans Man

July 2023- August 2023

Always My Fault
By Reggie

When something went wrong it was always my fault
So I was taught that everything is always my fault

But why is it always my fault even when I wasn't the one who did it
But I'll apologize anyways
Because that's just who I am

I'll apologize even though I know I had nothing to do with it because it's what I was taught
I was taught that everything is
Always
My
Fault

____________________

No One Wants
By Reggie

When I see my image in anything, mirrors, the water, pictures
I can't stand seeing my image
Because all I see is my size and all I can think is,
"No one wants to see that."

No one wants to see my body
No one wants to see how big I am
No one wants to see how ugly I am

No one wants to see how truly hideous I am

Not even I want to see it.

___________________

Sunshine
By Reggie

I used to be able to bring sunshine into people's lives
But now I feel more like I bring rain

Because I can hardly bring myself up and out of a depressive episode
It seems like I can't escape this endless rain

When will my sunshine come back?
I want to bring sunshine again
I want to see the sun again
Not this endless rain

When will I be the sunshine again and not the rain?

__________________

Empty Promises
By Reggie

You were supposed to be better
You promised me you were better

You said you accepted who I am
But you're not really trying to use the correct pronouns and name

You promised me I could be myself
But I still have to hide

You promised so much but they were all just empty promises
Weren't they?

____________________

Never Good Enough
By Reggie

Why am I never ever good enough for people?
Before you say I am
I can tell you all the times in my life where I have never been good enough

I wasn't good enough for my adoptive family
I wasn't good enough for anyone I became friends with growing up
And I'm not good enough for my biological mother and her new family
I'm never good enough

I definitely don't feel good enough for my boyfriends
Or good enough for the friends I've made online
Why can't I just be good enough?

At this point I understand that I just won't ever be good enough for people
Like I've been taught all my life

___________________

Trying
By Reggie

If you have to say you're trying, are you really trying?

I think we have two different definitions of trying
It shouldn't be hard to use he, him, his
Or masculine terms
It really isn't that hard

It really isn't trying when you have to say you're trying
If you really were trying, you would be correcting yourself more often and be using
My
Name

So No Mother
You really aren't trying

___________________

Dysphoria
By Reggie