𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑳𝒊𝒆𝒔 (Thorfinn x Reader)

7. Thorfinn's Anguish

He pulled his dagger out of the man's chest. His hands were shaking. His whole body was shaking. He was covered in the man's blood. I wanted to say something else. Anything else that would comfort him in some way. I could see the anguish in his eyes. He started crying. Seeing him in pain caused me to start crying as well. I felt useless. I couldn't even do anything for him. All I could do was stand there and watch as the Thorfinn I got to know these last few weeks whither away into nothing.

He screamed out. It made me flinch. I looked over and noticed Askeladd looking our way. I know he saved us earlier. But at the moment, I wanted someone to blame. So all I could do was glare at him. I wanted to blame him for everything that's happened to us-to me so far. Even for things that happened years ago, when he didn't even know my existence. 

He didn't say anything. In fact, I couldn't read his expression at all. I wouldn't call it emotionless. It was something else. I don't know what that something else is.

Later that night, after everything had settled down, Thorfinn and I found a quiet place to rest. Not too far from the camp, but not close enough either to the point where we'd be able to hear the men's cheers of victory.

"Thorfinn?" I wanted him to talk to me about what had happened. I knew that in the original story, he was left alone during these first years, and it took a huge toll on him mentally and physically.

He didn't respond. He didn't even look at me. In my frustration, I got a little angry.

"Thorfinn Karlsefni! Look at me," I grabbed both of his cheeks as he did to me earlier, "talk to me. What you just did wasn't something you can brush off. You need to talk about it, or else it'll eat you up inside!" He glared at me. It was the first time he glared at me with such a heinous look in his eyes.

"Leave me alone." He slapped my hands away.

Rubbing the cheek that the man hit earlier as if that would make it feel any better, I thought I oughtta just leave him alone. I mean, you would think that with us being so close to each other these past few weeks, he would open up to me. I really thought he was going to. But I guess the original story's going to find a way to continue on with or without me in it. Sadly, this was only the beginning.

Each battle, Thorfinn made it a point to insert himself and make sure to get a kill in. I started staying back, so as not to distract him. I know I made that promise to Askeladd, but I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him. I wanted to stop him, but I also didn't want to recklessly throw myself into the line of fire and die and leave Thorfinn completely alone. Even though after every battle was the same, he'd eat and go to sleep, not even acknowledge my existence, I still wanted him to know that I was here, if and when he needed me.

A few years went by and as me and Thorfinn got older, the closer we got to Askeladd's crew. Now, instead of staying behind like we always do, we've begun to just walk right next to them. Over the past few years, I tried training myself in hand-to-hand combat. Although I'm still not the best at it, I trust myself to be able to take down at least one guy, even if they have a weapon. However, there's one thing I regret not doing during these years. I thought Thorfinn would eventually open up on his own to me about his problems. But our conversations got shorter and less frequent. Of course, we still talked, but it wasn't anything that we'd enjoy. He'd just ask if I was alright after every battle, then continue walking after I told him my answer. Or, if he was hungry, he'd just say 'I'm hungry' and expected me to make him something.

Now, me, Thorfinn, and Askeladd and his crew were standing atop a cliff overlooking some hideout of something. Thorfinn was sitting on a rock facing away, I was standing next to him.

"Hey Thorfinn, why don't you go scout ahead for us?" Askeladd has begun asking Thorfinn to do his dirty work. I knew him doing this put him in danger and risked him getting killed.