𝗱𝗶𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂- 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗼 𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗹𝗲

6-

pansy's pov-

"Who said i was sane ?" Y/n retorts, looking up at use through her eyelashes. I sigh heavily, shaking my head. 

"Y/n. You can't go looking for Mattheo. I mean he specifically says not to in the letter." She sighs, pulling her sweater tighter around her body. She glances down at the paper, breathing in shakily. 

"Screw the letter. You can't go looking for a dead person, Y/n. That just stupid." Y/n shakes her head at Hermione's statement. She clutches the paper tighter, her jaw clenched. 

"No. He's not dead. He can't be, okay ?" I frown, reaching over to gently place my hand on her knee, gently rubbing my thumb back and forth to comfort her. She gulps back tears and gets up, shaking her head. Hermione tries to hold her back, but she doesn't listen. She goes straight for her bathroom. She stops as she opens the door. She turns to face us, and licks her lips. She crosses her arms over her chest, a simple hint of her closing herself off. 

"I think you should leave." She says, looking between Hermione and me. I frown, standing up. She's shaking, tears welling in her eyes. I know how hard this has been on her, and i know that she's been coping as well as she can. But i can see the tiniest shred of sanity she had slipping away from her fingers. I can see the spark die behind her eyes. I gulp heavily. 

"Y/n, i don't think-" 

"I want you to leave. Get out." She says, her voice harsh. She turns around and slams the door behind her. I jump, and i shake my head, letting it drop. 

"Now look at what you've done." Hermione says, sniffing indignantly. I look up at the curly haired girl, a disgusted grimace on my face. 

"What ? How the fuck  is this my fault ?" I say, standing up. Hermione is walking anxiously around the room, gathering her things. 

"You're the one encouraging her. Pansy, Mattheo is dead and he is not combing back. He was a big part of everyone's lives and losing him was hard for everyone. But we can't let ourselves be swayed. He isn't coming back, okay ? I think it's time for all of us to get our heads out of the clouds and finally put our feet on solid ground." She says, stuffing her clothes into her bag. She slings it over her shoulder, sighing heavily. She walks over to the door, holding it open. She looks over her shoulder. 

"I'll see you later." She says, licking her lips. She walks out, the door thudding dully behind her. I sigh, raking my fingers through my hair. I look out the window at the grounds, only to spot a familiar tuft of curly black hair, sitting under the willow tree. I stagger to my feet. 

"Oh my god." I breathe out. I grab my phone as quick as possible and run out of the dorm. My pajama pants are flying in the wind as i run down the stairs, my fluffy slippers sitting flimsily on my feet. Draco looks up as i run by. 

"Pansy ?" I breathe out heavily, taking a tiny pause to wave hi to everyone. 

"Hi Draco. Bye Draco !" I say, before running off. The halls are almost empty, and i rush through them to reach the grounds. I run to the tree, my feet thudding on the mud, the blades of grass tickling my shins. the breath is almost knocked out of my chest by the time i come colliding with the trunk of the willow tree. 

"Mattheo!" I say, gasping as i smile. He turns around and my heart drops. It's not him. It's not Mattheo. I gulp heavily, backing away. 

"'Scuse me ?" The boy asks, his forehead creased. He looks like Mattheo, from afar. All this talk that he might still be alive has got my mind all wrapped up in confusion. I back away from the boy, hands outstretched before myself. Tears are rising in my eyes as i shake my head. 

"I-I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." I say, before turning around and running off, hand clamped over my mouth to keep the sobs from escaping. 

I miss my best-friend. 

y/n's pov-

I hear the door slam twice. One for Pansy, one for Hermione. I open the bathroom door and peek through, looking around. No one is left in the room. I huff out a heavy breath before storming off and grabbing the nearest backpack i can find. I open my cupboards and grab the first clothes i see. I stuff the backpack to the brim before changing into clothes. A baggy sweater and a pair of jeans, before tying my hair back in a ponytail. I carefully fold the letter and put it in the first pocket of the backpack. I grab my wand and stuff it in the bottom of the bag. If people see it, they might think i'm insane. I sigh and take one last look at my room, hand on the doorknob. 

No turning back now. I step out of my room and into the hallway, where i run down the steps and into the common room. Draco and Blaise sit on the couches, talking. When Blaise spots me and my backpack, he frowns. 

"Going somewhere ?" I stop in my tracks turning to face him. Draco turns around, and that's when i spot him, sitting on a chair near Blaise, previously hidden by Draco's golden head of hair. Theodore. His face goes pale as he spots me and looks down, nervously playing with his fingers. Draco's eyes widen. 

"Y/n. I feel like i haven't seen you in ages." I nod, lips pursed. 

"Yeah. Um, i'm going to Hogsmeade." I reply, pointing at Blaise. He nods, before Theodore springs up. 

"I'll come with." My eyes go wide and my heart hammers nervously in my chest. Him, of all people, would think i've lost my mind. 

"No! I mean, no, thanks. I can figure it out." He frowns, still walking towards me. 

"Alright then, uh i'll walk you out of the castle." I gulp, nodding slightly. We make our way out of the common room, his presence making y skin crawl. We walk in complete silence, only the sound of our shoes dragging along the floor and the charm on my backpack tingling as it sways. After a painful five minutes, he speaks, his hand grabbing my arm to stop me. 

"I'm sorry."  He mutters, his eyes sad. I gasp quietly, staring at him. 

"W-What ?" 

"I know. About that night. How he broke up with you because of me." My heart grows cold and i snatch my arm away. His face softens and i shake my head, my face twisting with disgust. "Hermione told me." He says, sighing, running a hand over his mouth. I gulp, backing away from him. I start walking away, arms wrapped around my body. 

"y/n, wait !" he calls after me, but the only thing i hear is the sound of my heart breaking on the floor of that bathroom that night. Twice. Once when he left me. The second when he died. I wipe away the tears hands shaking. 

"y/n, i'm sorry, okay ? Just- Stop walking away from me !" I spin around, my face red and wet with tears. 

"You want me to forgive you ? You treat me like an object and then you have to remind me of my boyfriend. Every single day. Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone ?" He frowns, sighs. 

"Y/n.. He isn't your boyfriend anymore. He's dead." I frown, the tears falling again. 

"He's not Dead ! He's out there, and i'm going to find him !" I scream, my voice raw. His eyes widen and his shoulder slump. 

"Y/n.. is this why you're going to Hogsmeade ? To catch a train ? You know i can't let you do that." 

"And why not?" 

"Because you're not going to find him. He's gone, y/n. We buried him under the willow tree. You were there !" I shake my head. 

"Then it wasn't him." He scoffs. 

"Oh, what, you think we just had access to a corpse that looks exactly like him on hand ? Wow. Listen to yourself, y/n ! You're losing it !" I flinch as he yells. The tears are coming faster now. 

"Fuck you, Theo." I spit back, walking away. He calls out my name. 

Once. 

Twice. 

But he doesn't follow me .

And the further away i get from that castle, from him.. 

The easier it is to breathe.