One week, just one

its been a while

a year later

24th august 3:03am

So its been a year. I've re-read the drafts and published them because why not, you know? Actually, you don't know. I don't know if your favorite color is still purple or if you're still afraid of holes suddenly appearing on your body (like that white faceless dude in spiderman into the spider-verse)

I really don't know much about you anymore.

My God have you outdone yourself, sweetheart.

So, it was a night. Somewhere last year, perhaps in July? I never recorded the exact date. I remember it was especially late. Maybe around this time.

We were talking. That was maybe surprising. For the past month you had been avoiding me. All you texted was "hi". It was quite immature. Maybe even more immature when I replied with "hi" and the cycle went on and on, indefinitely. Until this night. Tonight. Let's imagine it. Tonight, last year. You and I are talking.

Everyone says 3am talks are when people become the...wildest....versions of themselves. We were on the fairly sane side. Then, suddenly, you say my name.

It is of utmost importance to note the absolute all-consuming fear that simple word brought to my mind. I mean, come on, who won't be terrified?

I think you were my first true love. As in, you are my first love. Perhaps that's why I still love you. 

It isn't as violent and mindless as before, I concede. Your distance has somewhat tamed the sightless emotion. Still, I love you.

For clarification, I'm not a homewrecker and I am not planning to be. You can stay with your new girlfriend. Respectfully, I'm mature enough to let you go. I still love you but...I mean do I truly love YOU? No, I believe I love a version of you. Tonight you. Last year you. I know you'll never actually see this. You won't see my confession of undying love or the little thoughts racing through my brain. And I'm fine with that. But at least you'll see my pain though you are blind.

So you said my name, I said yours. I even whispered it in the dead silence of the night. A chant, maybe a prayer. 'We need to talk' you had said. I remember refusing.

"ik you like me. its obvious, everyone knows"

my heart maybe dropped. do i know? no I do not for this was tonight a year ago.

I remember saying something goofy. I'm goofy as hell.

"im batman"

"no seriously, we need to talk about this"

and so your rejection began. it was the nicest refusal I have ever witnessed or received in my entire life. it was gentle yet firm, perhaps like a knife drawing a line of blood across human flesh.

"I'm not looking for a relationship."

"I heard you were crying in school about me"

"i dont want you to be upset"

"obsessing over me isn't healthy"

"can we be friends?"

"no seriously" you say my name

"friends? nothing more or less?"

and so we stayed friends. It was happy. I was happy. more than I'd been in a long time. even as you talked about your crush on someone else. i loved you, i love you.

i loved you so much I let you go. I was happy for you. especially when you got a girlfriend three months after the rejection. I understood because I loved you. I love you.

then? how did our story continue? is there a happy ending? 

you.blocked.me.

the end