I know, it's not easy to let it go....

All you needed was him...

I know, he was everything you needed, you still need him, all the time. You know I have heard this specific thing that you release all your anger on the person who you love the most, who means to you so much.....i didn't believe it until I experienced it. But you know why it is like this?......I think it is because that person holds all the curing power to heal us, to make us feel right again but the dark truth is, with this curing power, they hold the destroying power too not in all cases but in most and this "most" includes yours and mine.
When you used to be so upset about something, you used to talk rudely to him only because you knew, he was your person but he never understood it. He thought you didn't love him or this was an opportunity he was waiting for so long. I know how it feels, I know........ you're angry, everything's so messed up even if he's the reason behind all this but still you know if you cry between his arms even for one minute, you're gonna be all okay again........but also when you know that this can't happen, there's the point where you get to know that it's gone, it's gone forever. We needed them and they weren't there. I never really loved someone as much as I love my family not even my friends to be very honest but when I saw him for the first time......I knew that if he hurts me like my family does, I am still gonna put him first before everything in the exact way I put my family first. You only get hurt by the people you truly love and that's true honey because you don't feel that pain in the middle of your chest of someone's betrayal until it's someone you trusted, you loved so much. You only give 1000s of chances to the people you really need or want for your whole fucking messed up life otherwise you don't give a shit about who stayed or who didn't. He gave you that pain, just right in the middle of your chest and it still hurts the same way it did for the first time. I feel that pain too. I get numb too while having the confusion of thinking about him, his betrayal or how I can let this pain go away at least for now..........and then I see myself getting totally failed in the "not gonna cry for him anymore" challenge. And then only one question pops up in my mind which is, at what point I wasn't enough?
I know you can relate to it but don't worry honey, I know it's tough but we'll get through this one day for sure, i know. See ya :)