Sins of loving you

12

After returning to our room, she quietly slipped under the covers, while I remained on the terrace, gazing into the distance. My mind was overwhelmed by thoughts, and I was particularly by the realization that out of the eleven individuals who had perished that day, Jong In had not been among them. The primary culprit responsible for her suffering was still breathing. No wonder, Jungkook didnt get his peace.

I slammed my fist against the concrete railing of the terrace, making a solemn vow to do whatever it took to shatter his life. Even if it meant sacrificing my own, I was determined to ensure Ara received the justice she deserved.

The wind quickened its pace, prompting me to tilt my head back and gaze at the sky. I was crying. I was crying in sorrow and rage. I was crying for being oblivious to the truth and moreover, I was crying because I could do nothing to change the past. 

I remembered how I had always hoped for their relationship to come to an end. However, I never expected that wish to actually come true, nor did I foresee the heavy cost of my naive wish. I felt shame for having such a wish without ever knowing the guy. 

"I promise you that I will take care of her, I promise you I will kill that fucker with my bare hands" I was seething with anger.

"Taehyung," I heard her weak voice call out from the room. I hurried back inside and took a seat beside her, gently cradling her in my arms.

"When did you see him? What was he doing?" I was reluctant but when she nudged me, I felt bound to speak.

"While you were dancing in the rain, I saw him dancing with you," I revealed, and a soft chuckle escaped her lips as she nodded.

"He always had a fondness for the rain," she said, a tender smile gracing her lips.

"And by the lake, he stood right behind you."

"I was considering diving in, but something held me back. It was then that I heard you calling my name. Your voice echoed from all around, persistently, but I couldn't locate you anywhere."

"I called out to you twice," she said, her breath catching as she nestled her face against my chest. It finally dawned on me why she had been gesturing with her hands even before she spotted me. She had been hearing my voice. He had been preventing her from taking that leap.

"Why did you still jump?" I asked and she shook her head revealing the true story.

"My feet slipped as I started jumping up and down while waving my hand hoping you would spot me"

She paused for a while and as if she caught up to my thought she cursed. "Fuck, he is really still here" She shook her head as it was very difficult for to her digest the truth.

"Oh God" she retracted her body away from me and stood up. She was pacing to and fro, covering her mouth to muffle her loud sobs.

After taking a deep breath, she rubbed her face and tossed her hair back, yet her composure crumbled once more. She sank to the ground, succumbing to sobs once again. I observed her, feeling utterly helpless. What could I possibly say or do in this situation? How could I offer any comfort in such a state of despair?

"What should I do?" she turned to me, voicing the same question that had been echoing in my mind.

"What can I do?" she repeated putting her hands on her hip, and I found myself without an answer.

After a moment of contemplation, I spoke up. "I'll assist you in bringing Jong In to justice, maybe then..." My words faded as she began shaking her head.

"That fucker left the town the very night. He knew Jungkook wouldn't spare him. He flew to another country within a week" she stated.

My heart tightened with pain. The thought of never apprehending that scoundrel even left my living soul to unrest.

"And I never desired revenge," she asserted.

"I wanted him to remain by my side," she murmured, her gaze drifting into empty space. "You damn asshole, I wished for you to be alive more than I wanted them dead."

"I needed you to be alive," she declared, rising to her feet and speaking to the air.

"You left me with nothing and now neither can I live nor can I die, What kind of life is this?" she turned to question me.

"Ara please" I begged her pulling her down to sit.

"He wants you to find happiness," I pleaded, clasping her hands between mine.

"Happy?" she scoffed pulling them back and cleaning her nose and cheeks, "Tell me, how can I find happiness? Even taking a breath feels like torture now,"

"Do you want to witness me living a wretched life, Guk?" she asked and the sliding door of the terrace slammed shut closed on its own.

I watched helplessly as Ara's breaths grew shallower, her chest heaving with each strained inhale. Her wide eyes darted around the room, searching for an escape from the invisible grip of pain that held her. The color seemed to drain from her face, leaving her complexion pale and fragile.

Quickly, I moved closer to her, my heart aching as I took in the turmoil etched across her features. upping her trembling cheeks in my hands, I gently turned her face toward me, urging her to focus on my presence

"Ara," I murmured, my voice laced with concern, "look at me." She struggled, but her gaze eventually met mine, teary and lost.

"Take a breath, please, just breathe," I urged softly. Her gaze flickered, fighting to maintain contact with reality amid the whirlwind of emotions.

I could feel the rush of her pulse beneath my thumbs as I held her cheeks, trying to ground her in this moment.  She laid her head as I gently stroked her hair to calm her down. The door slid open on its own and a gentle breeze filled the room. Her breathing steadied and her frantic movements slowed, a fragile semblance of serenity started to return to her features.

As she gradually regained control, I silently promised myself that I would be there for her, whatever it took.