𝐸𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒'𝓈 𝓁𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉

Relapse

I had left Frank alone for a bit. They seemed very overwhelmed with the whole idea of being my partner. Those are pretty valid feelings, considering the fact that I sobbed for at least 30 minutes when I got home. I didn't understand why they couldn't just tell me they loved me. From what I read, I know they did. I'm not very good at reading feelings, and maybe that's why they don't love me. 

Entering my small post office, I kicked off my shoes. Before I knew it, I was engulfed in tears. I absolutely could not breathe. It was that bad. Terrible thoughts filled my head. I thought about my craft box. What kinds of sharp objects did I have there? I remember Julie taking my big scissors and leaving me with some safety scissors. My envelope cutters were enclosed to where it couldn't hurt me. I wouldn't bleed that bad from a stapler. Then I realized. The electric pencil sharpener at my front desk was not me-proof yet. 

I slowly drug myself behind the counter. First, I had to empty out the tray to get to the part with the razor. I had done this so many times with many other ones, I almost had a procedure. I unscrewed the screw in the middle of the metal keeping it in place. Another call for help was in my hands. I looked at my phone. 

"Call me if anything ever gets bad again, okay? I'm not going to let you keep doing this to yourself," I remember Julie telling me. 

My hand rested on top of it, wondering whether or not I should just pick it up and dial her. I lost the battle when I walked out of the room and into the bathroom. I held my head down low when I realized how bad this was about to be.

                                                                                     -----------

Putting the last Band-Aids on my wrists and thighs, I sulked into my office. Now I needed to call Julie. Part of me was dreading it, partially because I knew she was going to hate me for what I had done. But also I craved some sort of attention. If I didn't call her and tell her to come over, she never would. 

"Eddie! How are you on this fine night?" she gleefully picked up the phone. 

"I'm not doing too well. I need you to come over soon," I reply. 

"I'll be right there, please don't move," she frantically reacts.

I hang up the phone and sink my face into my hands. Here I was, sitting in my pj's, waiting on Julie again. This has to be at least the third time this month. 

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Dear?" I recognized Frank's voice. 

I scream and fall out of my chair.