Murphy
"Sheath or Mermaid Cut? Murphy are you even listening?" Ocean asked.
"Oh sorry, umm...I'd say Sheath," I responded, glancing up from my phone.
"I agree," our friend Mattie chimed in.
Girl, why aren't you having any fun?" Ocean asked.
"I am!" I corrected.
"You sure don't look like it," Mattie teased. "Did Marco not ask you yet?"
"No. It's nothing like that," I clarified. There's a lot on my mind, and High School stuff is just-"
"High School Stuff?" Mattie inquired. "You don't want to go to prom?"
"I do. It's just. I have too much going on in my life right now." I gazed down at my phone, as it buzzed. "Shit I'm late meeting Will! Ocean- you look incredible. Tariq is going to love it. I have to go, but I'll see you ladies tomorrow," I exclaimed running out of the botique.
"Murphy!"
I spun around to see Ocean on my tail. "Ocean, I am so sorry. I really have to go to Med!"
"Are you okay?" she asked honestly. "You know you can tell me anything."
I zipped my sweater up as far as it could go, in hopes that it would provide some sort of comfort. I took a deep breath. "I know I can... I... The Seizures are getting worse. I can't drive anymore. I know I didn't drive too much to begin with; It's Chicago, but now I can't go out of state for college. It takes me so much longer to do my homework. Dr. Abrams says that I might have to take a gap year to get on the correct medication regimen. I just can't do this right now."
"Oh," Ocean responded. Murphy I am so sorry. I guess I don't know what to say."
"It's okay," I said, hugging my best friend. "I'm trying not to think about it too much right now. I just need to get to my appointment with Dr. Abrams, and sort things out."
_________________________________
"Hey how was your day?" Will asked, meeting me in the lobby.
"Fine," I simply responded.
Will looked at me skeptically, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. "Jay got caught up at work. Maybe the three of us can go to Molly's tonight?"
"Thanks, but why don't you go with Natalie instead. I have homework... God I fucking hate this place."
Will smiled sympathetically, "Come on. Let's get you to your appointment.
_________________________________
"Miss Halstead, with this level of debilitation after the Generalized Tonic Clonic Seizures, it's my recommendation we closely monitor you for the next year."
"What does that mean?" I inquired.
"It means we adjust your medication into a stable and corresponding pattern, create an emergency Back Up Plan, and adjust your lifestyle to accommodate GTC Seizures. We also need to discuss sleeping patterns that will reduce the chances of an uncontrolled episode developing."
"So I can't go to college yet?" I asked Dr. Abrams.
Dr. Abrams nodded, understanding my position.
"I got into Northwestern," I said weakly. "I got into Michigan State too, and Illinois Institute of Tech, and... Nevermind."
Will, who had been sitting beside me the entire time, patted my hand reassuringly. He smiled. "Murphy, It's not the end."
"I know," I whispered.
_____________________________
The drive to Jay's was silent. When we got there, Jay had just gotten home.
"How was the check-up with Dr. Abrams?" he inquired. Will looked at Jay and shook his head. Jay could tell what that meant.
I went to the room I had there, letting a few tears fall freely down my cheeks. My phone started ringing, and Marco's name flashed across the screen. I picked up the phone. "Hey," I said tiredly.
"God Murphy, where have you been?"
" I just had my check up with the neurologist," I sighed.
"Well I've been calling and texting you for hours."
"I'm sorry Marco," I said. "It's been a long day."
"Do you want to come over? We could watch a movie or something," Marco offered.
"No thanks."
"Can I come over there?
"God, Marco- No! It's way past curfew. You know how strict my brothers are!"
"Ugh," he said in frustration. I haven't seen you since Geography class!"
"That was only a few hours ago."
"It feels like days to me," Marco sighed sadly. "I feel like I've been a forethought in your mind the past month."
I sat up in bed, annoyed. "That's not true!" I exclaimed. "I've been having a hard time, and I'm trying to get things together so I can still succeed in life. So please, don't take my preoccupied mind as proof that I don't want to spend time with you. I spent the whole weekend with you and your family up at the lake. And I took you to Mimzy and Grandpa's last night for Griled Cheese!"
"Oh, right! Blame it on that, instead of the fact that Jay and Will hate me and my guts."
"What?" I said, dumbfounded. "They don't hate you. They just take some getting used to."
"Look- I'm just saying Murphy, you and I didn't have so many problems until they came around!"
"So what are you saying? That you want me to directly disobey my brothers so things between you and me are easier? Marco- Will and Jay are my Guardians."
"I know," Marco responded, his voice softer now. "I don't want you to do anything reckless."
"What does that even mean?" I asked, defensively.
"Maybe just...speak up a bit more," He murmured. "Your brothers need to understand that your happiness is still important to you. And," He took a deep breath, "That I'm still important to you."
"They care about my hapiness more than anything in the world, Marco."
"Whatever," Marco simply responded.
I found myself speechless. I wanted to say something to make Marco understand why Jay and Will were so protective of me, but I couldn't find the words. Jay lightly tapped on my door. "Murph, can I come in for a second?"
"I have to go, Marco."
"Of course you do."
"I love you," I said. All I got back in return was a quiet silent tone.
Jay entered my room. "Will told me about today. Was that Marco?"
I sighed heavily, frustrated with the situation. Jay looked at me with empathy. "I just can't take it- the constant pressure of getting better and dealing with the seizures. On top of everything else."
The tears started coming to my eyes again. I collapsed onto my bed, letting the tears out. Jay sat in front of me and hugged me tight.
"It's gonna be okay," he murmured. "We'll figure this out."
"Thanks Jay." I said, feeling a little more comforted.
Jay pulled away, looking at me intently. "If Marco can't handle the pressures that come along with this, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship."
I scoffed. "It's like no matter what I do, it's never enough for him. I know it's just dumb High School Stuff. I'm sorry Jay."
"You don't have to apologize, kid," Jay said, rubbing my back "I understand. That's why Will and I are here. Do you want Will to see if you can talk to Dr. Charles?"
"Oh please no!"
"I'm sure that he'd love to see you, Murph!"
I laughed. "It's okay, Jay. I think I'm actually feeling a bit better now."
"Okay, well I made some food," Jay noted. Wanna come downstairs for a while and watch some trash TV?"
"Why not!" I exclaimed.
