Acquired Tastes

Chapter Ten

That night, Neil found himself lying in bed, unable to sleep even though he was desperately tired. Finally, he got up, pulled on boots and a hoodie, and left, unsure where he was headed until he found himself pushing open the door to the roof. He was somehow simultaneously shocked and not surprised at all to see Roman's silhouette on the low wall around the edge of the roof. Roman didn't even glance over at first, and for several moments, Neil stood just outside the doorway, contemplating leaving. When he decided against it, some small voice in his mind asked if he'd known Roman would be up here. He pushed the thought away and walked across the roof, his soft footsteps feeling loud in the silence of the night.

Roman finally looked at him as Neil crossed the final few yards and leaned his elbows against the top of the wall. In the dim light, the marks on his jaw were less noticeable. He took the cigarette out from between his lips and exhaled slowly, eyes never leaving Neil's. Finally, he held up his cigarette questioningly, and Neil nodded slowly, watching him dig through his hoodie pocket and pull out a pack and lighter. He handed both to Neil, wordlessly, and Neil took one out, lighting it, setting the lighter back on top of the pack beside Roman's shoes. Roman left them there, leaning his head back against the column he was leaning against, and turned his head slightly, looking out at the campus. Neither of them spoke until they'd finished their cigarettes. Even when Neil tried, it took him a few attempts to break the silence.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"I mean...after today? With the fight?"

Roman swallowed hard, looking down at his hands. "Yeah. It happens."

Neil felt his eyebrows lowering, his gaze unmoving from Roman's downcast eyes. "It shouldn't."

Roman shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

Neil watched Roman slide his feet up closer to his body, arms crossing on his knees, resting his chin against his forearms. "It is."

Roman shook his head, not meeting Neil's eyes. "You don't get to decide that."

Neil bit his lip, looking out across campus, eyes absentmindedly following two students as they strolled down the sidewalk. "Okay," he said, finally.

For a long time, nothing moved except for the breeze in the trees below them, in Roman's hair. Finally, Roman lifted his chin and gave Neil a sidelong glance. "I'm sorry," he said, voice barely above a whisper. "You're right, I shouldn't have been drunk."

Neil was too surprised to answer for several moments. Mind spinning, he lifted himself up onto the ledge in front of Roman, feet over the edge, eyes on the sidewalk several stories below them. When he turned toward Roman, Roman was watching him.

"Did something happen?" Neil asked. "Why were you drunk?"

Roman shook his head, giving Neil a sad attempt at a grin. "I'm just an alcoholic."

Again, everything was silent. Neil watched the two students cross paths with two others, pausing to exchange words with aggressive hand gestures and a few shoves. When he looked back at Roman, he found him zoned out, eyes on the horizon. "Hey."

Roman looked at him.

"I want you to take this more seriously," Neil said, trying to ignore his increasing heart rate. "If you do something like this again, I think you should at least tell me why."

Roman eyed him for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he nodded. "Okay."

Neil pulled one leg up, wrapping his arms around it, and rested his chin against his knee.