𝑬𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑻𝒐 𝒀𝑯𝑾𝑯

𝑰𝑽

A lot of situations put me in an awkward spot, mainly because I'm antisocial and gatherings or engaging with strangers, people I'm not used to makes me uneasy. I start to feel uncomfortable in my own skin, question myself and act like it's my first time being a human.

For instance, the first time I went to Isoke's class to spend my free period. Everyone was looking at me, my mind made it feel like they were boring holes into my head. Whenever they whispered and laughed my heart clenched as if it was directed at me. And even when I got to where she was with her friends, the topics of discussion were not in my field.

I always found myself silent in the background, murmuring to whomever will hear or just pretending to be doing something else in order to hide my awkward self.

That's what makes Fridays the second day I despise the most. My heart beats in fear of being put in a situation I can never get used to. Worship.

Every first period on Friday in my school is allocated for mandatory worship. The seniors comb through all the classes to ensure that no one skips it, even those who do not believe in God and aren't Christian are forced to attend.

During this time I'm sitting with unknown people who probably have friends, laughing about who knows what and distracting themselves from the singing of praises going on.

It makes my wrist itch, and so I start rubbing the spot aggressively.

When my eyes find my two friends at the back of the large auditorium I suddenly wish we weren't fighting so that I could go to them for comfort. I scratch my soft skin even harder.

When my eyes fall on the group of my class girls sitting in the front, chattering, clapping, smiling, being normal it makes everything worse. It makes the feeling that I should just disappear engulf me.

It's my poor skin I take it out on.

I struggle to take deep breaths as it feels like the room is suffocating me.

A hand touches my fingers that were busy injuring my skin. "Stop it! You're drawing blood."

The mention of blood brought the attention of the people sitting in front of me and her friends beside her to my red wrist.

"Blood? Whose blood? What's going on?"

All the eyes looking at me, the stares, whispers, it was just too much to handle. I closed my eyes wishing hard that I was in my safe place. My room, standing by the window while watching the clouds.

"Relax, breathe...breathe," A very soothing voice said but when I opened my eyes I saw no one's mouth moving.

So now I'm going crazy and delusional too.

"Mind your business," Rahila spat at the girls gossiping about me. Her eyes held so much disdain towards the people watching me instead of trying to do something to help as she dragged me away with her. I didn't complain while she did so.