Dissemble || Jack Gilinsky

Chapter 20 Epilogue

First off, I just wanted to say it was an amazing journey writing this book. I am absolutely so grateful for fans like you. You all are amazing and it makes me wanna cry that I have genuine fans, you have no idea. I hope one day I can be an actual writer and you all will be there with me. Lots of love!

XOXO
-FreshPrinceOfOppa

_________________

Jack❂

Today was June 10, 2018. Today is the anniversary of Blair's death. I looked next to me and picked my phone up. I hit the home button to turn it on and found a few texts from Skate, Sammy, and Johnson. We all didn't move, we wanted to stay close to her. Because every year, we celebrate her life.

I barely talk to any girls, same with Nate. Sammy doesn't even talk to girls who look like her. But Johnson is completely different, he befriends any girl that resembles Blair. It's almost ridiculous but for some reason it's just necessary to us.

I got out of bed and took a shower. Once I was finished I put on my burgundy sweater, it looks exactly like the one I put on her casket that they buried with her. In the pocket was the letter she wrote for me but thought I would never attain.

Flashback

It's been a month since Blair's death and I still haven't gotten a handle on things. Today I was supposed to look through her room for things I wanted to keep. Her mom is moving away from here, leaving her daughters casket just like she left her daughter.

I walked into her room, the familiar aroma of that Chanel perfume hitting me. Nearly making the tears spring back to my eyes. I've been weeping like a little fucking girl but I didn't care. I loved her and nothing can change that. I looked around her room and found pictures I wanted to keep along with bracelets and perfumes. Then suddenly I found my cologne. I knew she loved it so I let her keep it.

I thought I was about done but then I remembered something. She always kept things under her mattress. I lifted it to find pictures and notes and a letter, with my name on it. I quickly took it and left before the memories caught up to me. I said goodbye to her mother who will be leaving for her new life soon. I unlocked my car door and I sat inside and opened the letter.

"Dear Jack,

If you're reading this then my idiot self left this letter out in the open because I would never let you. I highly doubt we got back together because you're a little occupied. Anyways, I felt like telling you all the things I didn't say. The thoughts that race through my head. I can't get you off my mind. The way you make me feel is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. You make me feel like I'm dying and flying and living and that my heart just stopped beating yet is pumping 90 mph all in one moment. You make me feel invincible yet vulnerable. Weak, but like nothing could ever bring me down. You make me feel like I'm free and yet trapped by your every move. You leave me breathless and yet you are the only thing that keeps me still breathing. You control my every thought, movement, heart beat. You've got me, all of me. That's all I can give."

But then on the back of the paper, written in entirely different color of ink it says "and then you lost me." My mind drifted to Nate. He did win her over, she always cared for Sammy and Johnson and Nate, but I never thought she would be into them like that. And I didn't know Nate was in love with her. I mean, I couldn't blame him. That girl was my everything. There aren't more fish in the sea because that girl, she was my sea.

Flashback over

I held the letter in my hand inside my pocket as I grabbed my keys. Every year we celebrate Blair's life with a bonfire at the beach. And we all grab a piece of paper and write a saying on it then toss it into the fire. We all come up with our own saying, and we use the same one every time. None of us know the others. But they all have to do with Blair.

I opened my trunk and put in a few blankets with pillows. Sammy brings the food and drinks, Johnson brings a couple chairs, Skate brings the paper and other necessities, and also makes the fire.

I got in my black matte Jeep, and drove towards the beach. And in twenty minutes, I reached there. The boys and I park in the same four spots, we go to the private beach owned by Blair's mother since she owned a beach house. Very few people come. I got the things out and saw the boys setting up around the cement bonfire station.

I reached there and set everything up. By the time we were done, it was four o'clock. Blair died at approximately 10 pm. We all started talking. We talked about the things we did, about the memories we made, about what we got. We talked about her, and how we miss her. We miss you Blair.

Nate laid back on his elbows, Johnson sat on the beach chair, Sammy next to me. It was 9:50 pm and we started writing our notes.

The sky darkened and the fire was high. Flames danced in the air, and as we stared I could swear I can see Blair dancing. Her long brunette hair swaying as she moves, her bright smile and her intense gaze.

My tears came back like they do every year at this moment. I smiled at the fire as the tears softly drizzled down my cheeks. And I looked at the note I wrote.

"She loves him more than he would ever know, he loves her more than he would ever show." And threw it into the fire.