AT A DISTANCE, SPRING IS GREEN - BAE IN HYUK a.k.a NAM SOO HYUN

Part 14. Wave

내가 싫다고 하면— 이기적이지?

Wouldn't it be selfish— if I said I don't want to?

The complicated feelings spread all over her. Don't know what face she should show him. Don't know what she has to say. Without preparation, she walked slowly on the path she expected. Holding back her tears. Her heavy footsteps. The suffocating breath.

She's afraid of tomorrow. How's she gonna be? What should she do after? She couldn't even think about it.

Didn't even want to imagine it.

Black-white check pattern shirt welcomed her sight. Holding back her breath and tried to lift the corner of her lips. Her feet reached him. Now, the two people standing before one another.

He has the same look as her. Like being submerged in the waves of the winter sea. It's cold. It hurts. It's suffocating.

Silence rose between the two. No one wanted to break it. As the stillness rises, the tears she held back gradually fill up. "Aeri-ya...naega... geu yaksok... meot jikil geo gatda. (Aeri-ya...I think...I couldn't...keep the promise.)" His shaking voice broke the silence.

"My mother—" Soo Hyun pulled her wrist softly to sit next to him. "I know, Oppa. I heard what you said to Koo Hyun." Lowered her head, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"You heard everything?" Soo Hyun said slowly, raising his eyebrows. The girl nodded, bit her lips clenching her trembling hands on her lap. "Mianhae...jeongmal mianhae, Aeri-ya." He sighed harshly. Silence interrupted them for a while. What they could hear was the melody of the wind.

"Uri... haeeojija. (Let's... break up.)" The decision he already regretted slipped out of his mouth. But nothing he can do anymore. He's afraid, the more he holds her the more he hurts her. Dating needs time he didn't have.

"Wouldn't it be selfish— if I said I don't want to?" As a knife hit her throat, the air turned cold. She's barely sounded. His eyes were now wet. He got off to his knees in front of her, his trembling hands opening up her clenched fist before held on it tight.

"I'm the selfish one... You... were a gift to me. I'm sorry for hurting you and not being able to treat you well." His voice came out carefully, soothing the cold air. He lifted his hand to wipe her flowing tears, streaming from her soft cheeks.

"I had a feeling you were going to let me go... So actually, I was anxious every day... I didn't know you'd let me go so quickly. But please—" She said slowly amidst her sobs, closing her eyes for a second. Hardly controlled her emotions. She bit her lower lips hard before opening her lids firmly.

"—I...don't ask for much...just let me stay by your side. I just—If this is for me...if you are afraid you'll hurt me, breaking up is not the answer. Giving up on us is not the answer." She knows begging just made things difficult, but she can't help it when she also knows she could do nothing to help him if she let go of his hands.

She felt something wet touching when he buried his head into her hands. His shoulder was shaking, hot breath warming up her lap. His crying. Her man was crying. "Please..."

"I don't know what to do anymore. You mean so much to me.  You are my impossible choice..." He raised his head, looking at her with tears streaming down his cheeks. She can feel the depressed feeling in his heavy voice. "Are you okay with me?  Are you okay with being with a guy like me?"

"What kind of guy? If you don't have time, we use mine.  I'll come to you.  If you tell me to wait, I'll wait. Let's bear this together until everything gets better?" Her stern voice was so clear and a certain written on her face. She stopped crying. She didn't like it when he made low of himself.

"I'm too much for you, Aeri-ya. I kept pulling you down—" He whispered. Again, he down his head, gripping her hands. She cut him off.

"Wrong. Oppa... You're not pulling me down. It's just me. I am who picking you off the ground." Her soothing voice synced gently with her hands cupping up his cheeks. Her thumbs swept off his tears.

"Saranghae (I love you.)" The three empty words he finally said with a raspy voice ended all the worst decisions he had before. She fell to her knees matching his figure in front of her.

Their hearts feel like they're about to explode.  Words she could hear just now.  Those common words, "I love you."  The words that come out of his mouth.

Even if they cry 12 times a day, even if it hurts a lot every day, those three words are everything that makes it okay. Instead of saying sorry. "I love you," was all they needed.

"Nado. Nan oppa issneun geudaero sarang hago isseo. Oppanikka saranghae. (I love you too. I love you just the way you are.  I love you because it's you.)" She gave him her honey smile, while he nodded with a small smile.

"It must be tough for you." She got him into her arms. Once again, he poured out his heart, tears falling deeply onto her shoulder while circling his arms around her waist, pulling her even tighter.

The delicate hand caressed his hair relieving all of his tiredness for a moment. From that moment on, he made a promise to himself not to let go of the woman he was holding. Even in the worst situations.

A beat of silence became deaf to his sob. Even the spring breeze chose to slip into their arms. His shoulders stopped shaking and his breath became slower. He stood up slowly bringing her with him to the cold bench that witnessed them from the start.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't think the way you are. I'm just so selfish. I'm just—" The way he spoke gently with his hands gripping hers tighter, making the air that is good to be breathing become thinner once again.

"—please. Stop saying that you're sorry. I don't want to hear it anymore. Don't say sorry after you said you love me. It's made us back to the start. You don't need to feel sorry for everything. This is my choice to stay. This is mine to be with you in the first place..." She stared at him softly as she said slowly with a peaceful voice.

"...Not every favor that you received was needed to reply immediately. Not now maybe, but later. When everything is all fine. When you have all the time on your hands. But until the time comes... can you please let me help you?" The insist she gave him was like a line of light in the dark corner of his heart. He stared softly but deeper into her spark eyes and his wall broke into a whisper. "Please, help me. Please stay by my side and help me, Aeri-ya."

In a good way. There's someone whom you couldn't resist. It's always there is someone you couldn't go for. No matter how much you tried, you couldn't find a way to escape.

She is the one. He found the one for him. The one who pulled him out of the dark. Became the light of his. If there are more powerful words than thank you... than anything... than love, he would give her, he would say to her one thousand times a day. The cost of her tears. The cost of her times she was used to wait for him.

—TBC—