The Other Side Of Us - (gxg)

Chapter Thirty Six

Jessie's POV

"Mrs. O'Connor you have a meeting with the investors in twenty." Vanessa came into my office.

I sighed, too tired to go into another meeting. Too tired to do anything at all, work was supposed to distract me but it doesn't even do that anymore.

"Cancel it please, I'm done for the day. Tell them I had an emergency and that we'll reschedule." I took my coat off the chair and grabbed my bag.

"As you wish miss." Vanessa said before quickly exiting my office. I followed soon after with my car keys at hand.

It was freezing outside, it was mid November already... time seemed to pass by faster when you were suffering. I know I shouldn't be... that I shouldn't say that— I'm pregnant, I'm finally pregnant again even if I wasn't looking to be... or at least not because of Patrick again.

But I fucked up.

I fucked up and I hurt Kaden and myself because I let people's opinions guide my actions.

Maybe if I hadn't gone that day with Patrick to visit his parents, if I hadn't let the whole talk about kids get to me again and then Elizabeth's words about me going to hurt Kaden— which I did, she wasn't wrong and I know she wasn't telling me that to mess with me—she said it because she cares for her and shows it.

And at least one of us did.

It's been a month since I last saw her, I didn't try to reach out to her again. Why would I? I've hurt her enough for a life time. No matter how badly I want to go to her.

I shouldn't have gave in to him, to his parents and to my own pathetic need to fix a broken marriage by having a kid.

But now it's done, there's no way back and this might be the last chance I got to having a kid.

We all have our own wrongdoings, especially in my marriage—both Patrick and I despite him not knowing my affairs and him thinking I don't know about his. I don't want to bring my child into a home where she never got to see their parents together, into a broken home.

But sometimes staying together breaks the home more, it hurts more in the long run than a separation would. Having and raising a child in a home where their parents hate each other... that could be hell on earth for them and even for us.

Once I got to the house it was empty as I expected, it was still too early for him to be out of the office. Patrick has been more at home since we found out I was pregnant, I can't deny that—it's just a shame it took that for him to do so.

I grabbed my phone and dialed my mom, my mind was made up, but I still needed my mom.

"Hello my baby, how are you?" My mom said as she picked up my call.

"I'll be better soon." I said as I slumped on the loveseat.

"What's wrong Jessica?" My mother's soft voice resonated through the voice.

"I can't— I can't keep pretending mom, I'm not happy anymore. I'm not happy in this marriage." I sniffed as my voice broke. "I want to leave... but I don't want to ruin this baby's life before it's even born."

"Sweetie—"

"I keep telling myself the divorce will be for the better for everyone, but what if the baby grow ups to hate me because of it? I don't want them to hate me mom— not them, I can't have that. I can't! What if—"

"Jessica breathe, remember? You stop, close your eyes and focus on the sound of my voice and the feeling under your fingertips... and breathe in." She told me the same words she has been telling me since I'm a teenager. My mom is the only one who's ever been able to help me through my anxiety attacks.