Only mine | The Darkest Minds fanfiction

Chapter 11 - Jack -

Ruby had passed out asleep as soon as we hit the road again. Liam wanted to bring us farther away from the skip tracers and the accident. „We don't want to be associated with that, do we?" he said and smiled at us.

I was quiet the entire drive, deep in my own thoughts, the horror was still in all my limbs. And a tiny part of me wished to be back at Caledonia. At Thurmond to say the least. It was hell back in the camps but at least nobody shot at us and we got meals three times a day.

Liam watched me in the back rear mirror every now and then, his face deep in concern. I didn't want him to worry about me that much, I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth this. I couldn't even help protecting the group when we were in need. I was the disabled part of the group. And I hated myself for it. I couldn't be the reason they were holding back or get injured or worse: killed because of me.

The car was pulled over by Liam, it came to a stop and he got out without saying a word. He walked around Betty and opened the slide door to the back. He stretched his hand toward me „Anni, please." he begged. I sighed and got up. He helped me out of the van and said „we'll come back soon. I leave the keys here, if anything happens Chubs, you leave, okay?" as he closed the door.

I just looked at him. He took my hands and went with me behind a few trees out of sight of the van. He turned around to face me. His gaze changed from serious to empathically concerned and he took my face between his hands and kissed me lovingly.

„you are going through hell and it's my fault only. What can I do to help you?" he asked worried. He shouldn't worry about me. I looked away and blinked the tears away that were about to form in the corner of my eyes. I was weak. And i didn't want him to see me cry like a baby over something the others tucked away so easily.

My lip started to tremble. Liam gently moved my head to his with his thumb. „Hey, you can talk to me, you know? It's me. It's us. Talking helps, really. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

I couldn't blink the tears away anymore, they were falling my cheeks onto my shirt. I tried to not look into his eyes, I couldn't deal with the pity I was about to see.

Liam engulfed me in a big hug. He held me as I cried and I felt like being held together by him while falling apart. „I - I feel so stupid." I sobbed.
He stroked my hair in a soothing way, telling me by doing so that he didn't think I was stupid at all.

„And I feel powerless, I can't do anything. Earlier I was so afraid, I couldn't even think straight. And I - I can't be a part of a group where I'm the only one that is not capable of handling any of ... this! I shouldn't have gotten out with you. I should have stayed there. It's not worth the risk , I AM not worth the risk. I'm only holding you back. I can't do anything anymore when I get like this, I'm so pathetic and weak and egoistic and I hate myself for it. And I hate that you all still look at me like you like me although I'm not - not good enough.." I rambled, didn't know where to start and where to end.

Liam stared at me. There was no sympathy, no love, no compassion in his eyes anymore, there was anger and frustration. He obviously knew I was right.

„How dare you?" he started, „how dare you talk about yourself like that? You are not powerless and you are not weak. You were afraid, we all were. And you were paralysed like that because you are such a good person. You can't deal with war and fighting because you are just too pure. There's nothing to be ashamed of that. I love that you are the absolute opposite of violence.
And you are worth this. All of this and so much more because you are good enough. A hundred times good enough. Nobody is as good as you.

Do you remember a few days ago when we last met lady jane? You saved me, you saved all of us. You are so powerful and no one would be here without you. We owe you just as much.".