Sweet tune ( karlnap )

Care

No tws :) I guess slight panick attack idk
@michelammm on pinterest for chapters icon :)

That morning i woke up to the doorbell insistently ringing.
I lazily covered my ears with my pillow, my eyes squinted together in hope the person behind the door would eventually give up bothering me.
But after a whole minute of that annoying sound repeating what seemed like a million times i groaned and got out of bed, dragging myself to the source of my unpleasant awakening.
I opened the door, my face contorced in an upset expression which was quick to change as soon as i saw who was behind it.
"Karl?"
"I need to talk to you."

I gestured him to get in and made him sit on the couch.
I watched him as i leaned onto the doorframe of the living room with crossed arms.
He lowered his head and waited before speaking, as if he had to find the right words, his leg nervously shaking and his nails tortured by his gritted teeth biting onto them.
"I just got the letter from the casino."
And at that statement i felt my heart shatter.
"Oh."

I knew that time would have come sooner or later, i couldn't deny it, but nothing could've prepared me to the hurt i felt in that moment.
I put a hand on my forehead and tried stopping my head from spinning.
"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, standing up and starting to walk towards me.
"Sorry, I feel a little dizzy."

He gently grabbed my arm and led me to the sofa, where i sat with him.
I waited a couple moments, letting the silence sink in before speaking.
"When?"
"Next week."
I slowly nodded, my gaze fixed on the rug under me. I started feeling my body warm up and my palms sweat.

"You were right about breaking up."
Those words left my lips in a slow, burning pain, and i looked up at him as i noticed the air shift near me.
He was so small, nervous, uncomfortable.
"You deserve the right to fall in love with someone closer." I sighed, my gaze shifting to a random spot out the window.
He rested his hand on my leg, gently caressing it.
"You to-"
"No Karl, I won't. I won't fall in love with anyone else. I can't love anyone but you and you don't seem to fucking understand." I interrupted him as i moved away in irritation, my words full of annoyance and more aggressive than i intended them to be.

His body shifted again, becoming even smaller. I hated the way I could make him feel. Then i fucked everything up even more.
"If you really cared." I mumbled, not thinking he would even hear it.
It was stupid, foolish, false. I knew how much he cared, but i hated him for leaving me like that. I was scared he would have stopped loving me with the same ease he fell for me.

He got up abruptly. "No, no you can't do this to me!" He shouted starting to run away, but I grabbed his arm and made him turn around.
"If you really cared, Karl, you would've stayed." I barked back, my grip getting tighter.
He just watched through me with lucid eyes, as If i wasn't really there. And with each word i spoke i died more and more.
"You're hurting me." He whispered as a tear ran down his cheeks.
I knew he wasn't just referring to his arm, I knew he was talking about my words, my stupidity, my unreasoned jealousy, my fears.
I saw his eyes tint with hurt i wish i had never gotten to see.
I let him go and fell on my knees as i watched the front door slam.

I stayed a few minutes like that, crying for something i had created, for hurting him, for having to leave him, for fear he would have taken that train with a sigh of relief because i wasn't gonna be there anymore.

I would have loved dying like that, drying up like a fallen leaf and crumbling under someone's carelessness as they stepped on whatever remained of my body and soul; but someone shuffling upstairs interrupted me.
I panicked, stood up way too fast, and with my head still spinning I closed myself in the first room i saw: the kitchen.

I heard footsteps approach me, then a few knocks.
"Are you okay? I heard someone yelling."
I sucked a shaky breath in, then tried calming my voice before speaking.
"Yeah, Yeah i'm okay Ran." I sniffled, trying to wipe the tears off of my face.
A doubtful "okay" could be heard from the other side of the door, but i still appreciated the way he never insisted when someone didn't want to tell everything.
I tried washing my face and just waited in hope i wouldn't look as if i had cried for twenty minutes straight, which, to be fair, was exactly what i did.