The flame of chance (Stony)

chapter 4 - 67 LATTER AND STILL A PROBLEM

Slowly but surely, Steve got himself settled in his apartment. When he wasn't bitter about his lost live Stephanie must admit that she loved the future. He always loved new technology and the future was full of it.

Back then he never really had time to appreciate the new gadgets that got out, but now he had all the time to do it. So, when she wasn't at one of the shield facilities or was occupied avoiding Rumlow for his date. He is already regretting that he said yes in the first place.

So as soon as he could leaf the S.H.I.E.L.D facilities, she made an excursion to the malls around the city from vacuum cleaner to cars to apple stores he went from shop to shop that was nearly connected with new inventions in the technology branch.

Stephanie loved it! Just strolling around in the shop and trying to understand the tec and use of some of the things he got his hands on.

One thing she also noticed very fast is that stark industry seems to be in every store. Steve was happy to see that Howard seemed to have started to stop building weapons after the war and invested most of his money in every branch technology related.

Another thing Stephanie noticed quickly that the flip phone was not the best decision he ever made. Soon she got to the point where she wanted so to surge for a pop reference on the internet, but his phone wasn't evolved enough for that so every time he wanted to surge for something she wrote it down on a little block.

Of course, she could buy a better suiting phone but then that one would have been a wasted for nothing and well Steve had to admit that he made a mistake with that purchase, so he just rolled with it.
The fact that everything is so expensive is also one of the reasons he does buy a new phone. A penny isn't worth anything now a days. So, he tries to be as resourceful as he could.

~ His nights were always the same.

He woke up in the middle of the night sweating, his long hair sticking to his face while he was desperately gasping for air as if he was under the ice-cold water again.

His heart was pounding like he had run a marathon in under an hour.
His fingers were trembling as he wipes his sweaty hair out of his face and trying to find a focus to not slide into a panic attack. Even as he finally got his breathing under control his heart and thought where still aching.

It was like all his fears came to life and manifested themself. Everybody is dead and he was the only one left.
It was his fault he should have given Peggy his coordinates then everybody would still be alive except Bucky.

It was his fault that Bucky was dead.
If he were faster and didn't brought Bucky with him on the mission, he still would be alive.
It was his fault that his best friend died.

He couldn't stand it any longer, so he got himself up when he notices his change. Anger was floating over him like a tsunami.

Not even his body was his anymore, it felt so wrong to feel that his breasts are hanging down a little and skin touching skin.

He took a long fabric and started to bind his breasts away. He couldn't stand it that his body wasn't flat anymore so he bund himself down to the point where he nearly couldn't breathe right anymore.

After that she got up and put on t-shirt and trousers and his Hair in a messy hairband and went out for a run.

Her feet drummed across the floor in a fast rhythm and with every mile Steve relaxed more and more while his had emptied itself.

It was the only time since her awakening that she felt like herself. Not like the elephant in the room and all thoughts blown away just the rhythm of her feet and her pounding heart.