Heartbroken

reconnect?

Maybe I should just disconnect from the real world. Remove all toxicity in my life. But what if that hurts me more? If I add them back, will they reply to me? I can't leave people who won't call back for me once I'm ready. But that just means they aren't real friends. I'm scared to lose the ones I really love.

Double thoughts, maybe I shouldn't. I can't decide. Maybe I'll just pick up counselling. I hope Duncan will wait for me till I'm ready. But right now, it is not the time. I can't just keep the weight on my shoulders, now now. Maybe if he loses some weight? Don't be stupid Courtney, that's incredibly stupid.I don't have any more ideas. I'll just go to therapy. I've lost all of my therapeutic skills, and some communication. I feel like.. Total Drama really ruined me. On the inside, I feel quite destroyed. They didn't have to do this to me. If he had told me sooner, like breaking up with me earlier, maybe I wouldn't be so heartbroken. Should I reconnect with some contestants? I miss DJ, (shocking, I know!), Bridgette, Gwen I suppose..? And more. I haven't had contacts for a while now. I wish I could take back everything I said, did and so on. I want another solution. He should've told me I was hurting him. He didn't know how sweet I am on the inside. I'm not really leaving 1M dollars for a relationship though, either that or the mill.

Incredibly stupid choice. Just tell me I was hurtful. Tell me what I did wrong. What was the harsh doing of me? I want to know the truth. I am always here to talk. I have feelings too, please don't think of me as a selfish ignorant brat. I want to listen. I would do anything in my power to know what I did. What happened. If they even know I'm a real human being or not. Didn't have to hurt me that way. But just as I thought it was going to be over. I just heard a doorbell.