make me remember.

nine

"how are you feeling?" 

taking in a deep breath, my eyes remain closed. i'm sitting in my window, knees up to my chest as the moon shines in. it's late, probably just after three. i can't sleep, and years ago, when i first arrived at the castle i developed the habit of sitting in the window throughout the night. clearly, the habit stuck.

"you're mad at me."

another deep breath. behind my eyelids, the world is dark. it's quiet and calm, only my own presence disturbing the peace. on the inside, i have silence.

"i understand why you're frustrated but MG, I've never met another as delicious as that man. that has to count for something,"

on the outside, i have bexley.

"it doesn't, bexley." i say, readjusting in my seat. i lean my head back towards the window sill, letting the moonlight cover my face entirely. "you are allowed to embarrass yourself on your own accord but what you have been doing is creating rumours and gossip around the castle. it's useless behaviour."
my eyes meet hers as i finish talking, my glance harsh on hers. she needs to understands that i'm as serious as ever. i've never known bexley to be especially serious but in these sorts of situations, she will simply just have to adjust. 

"i apologise, MG. if it helps, i never intended him for me." 

"i'm very much aware. atlas and graham have followed your 'mission' and from what they're telling me, you've been getting close to the prince." i say, and she nods in response. she smiles slightly, almost proud of her accomplishment. "how close?" i ask. 

"um, well, he doesn't let any of us near his belongings. he's very private but he's been way more curious about the northern kingdom than when we were first introduced," she nods alongside her words, seemingly clueless as to why this has value to me. 

"so, he's been asking questions about the kingdom? which ones?" 

she takes a moment to think, obviously not having redeemed it important to remember the questions when they were first asked. "we usually stick to small talk, mostly regarding the differences between the kingdoms. did you know, that they have cherry trees in spring in the eastern kingdom? they go on for miles and miles, covering half of the kingdom!" she smiles wide. "but mostly, he asks about you." at this, her smile grows even wider. 

i resist the urge to roll my eyes. "bexley, this is important." 

"well, obviously." she scoffs, waving her hands in the air. "he's interested!" 

"and i'm not." i turn my head to look at her, my expression falling flat. "i am, however, interested in figuring out what he, alongside the others, is doing inside my castle." 

at this, bexley frowns. "why does everyone always have to have hidden bad intentions in your world?" she moves in closer, keeping eye contact as her frowns deepens. "really, what is it? are you afraid to be hurt? to be let down? to lose everything you've created?" she pauses, straightening her posture to allow me some space between our faces. "as a reminder, all of that has already happened to you, MG. you had everything you owned teared apart, and what did you do? you burned down the leftovers and build this." she looks around, letting her eyes glide over the castle walls that surrounds us. 

my back is pushed up against the window frame in an attempt to free up more space. my eyes are round, her words digging into my chest. "you're right. i have absolutely no faith left in people, sometimes, not even you. after everything that's happened, i've rebuild everything physical and nothing emotional. the castle stands but my previous relationships remain broken and i intend for them to stay that way." 

"it's stressing you out that they're here, isn't it?" a sudden but subtle smile plays on her lips and she moves back. 

i roll my eyes but inside my head, her words seem to stick. they're here.