Heeriye

Twenty Five.

Shehnaaz

You know you've hit an all-time low when you come to from a fainting spell and all you can think is,Well, that was restful. That sense of ease lasts for about three seconds before the silence clogging up my ears gives way to squeals and cries and anguished yells that I'm not capable of processing just yet.

I try to open my eyes but they're still heavy, still clinging to the need for darkness. Someone's touching me... my arm? My right arm, yes. No, not touching—nudging. Whoever it is is trying to prod me awake.

Something cool hits my face. It's not unpleasant but I'd rather do without it, to be honest. I like the warmth of the darkness and I don't want to be reminded of the cold when I wake up.

"Hey, kids, let's move aside, okay? Give her some room to breathe."

Now,that voice is soothing.

Sidharth's? Is that his? My ears are still ringing so the actual tenor of the voice is lost to me. I can't identify the speaker and I don't want to know who it is enough to open my eyes. So I lie there, taking it all in. Every other sensation is heightened. I can feel the scurry of little panicked feet. I can sense the rasp of heavy breathing. I can smell cheesy goodness in the air.

Dammit, I must have ruined dinner. And the kids love mac and cheese.

Bad guardian. Bad mother. Bad person.

"Shehnaaz."

There's that voice again, calm and soothing.Please let it be Sidharth.I have no idea why I want him right now. Especially considering I just left his office wanting to get as far away from him as possible. The last few months set a bad precedent. He caught me every time I fell and now, I seek out that comfort and security without even realizing it.

"Shehnaaz."

Maybe it is him. Maybe seeing me passed out on the floor has reverted him back to the man he used to be before he believed I'd betrayed him. Maybe I've gotten my wish. Maybe the gods have decided that I've suffered through enough and they're taking pity on me by bringing my Sidharth back.

Yeah freaking right.

Maybe pigs will fly, too.

"Shehnaaz, can you hear me?"

The voice is gaining in character. Definitely not Sidharth. A tear slips down the edge of my closed eye. Why is it that sometimes every kind little gesture that he doesn't do feels so much worse than the cruel and awful things he does do?

"Is she gonna be okay, kanan uncle?"

Of course. Kanan. That makes more sense.

"I-is sheh-shehnaaz bua g-g-gonna d-die?"

"No, of course not. She just needs some rest, that's all. I'm gonna make sure she's okay."

"Where's Sidharth?"

Probably skulking off somewhere, cursing the day he laid eyes on me. I force my eyes open, if only to convince the kids that I'm gonna be okay. I've already yelled at them unfairly today. I don't want to burden them with any more trauma than I've already given them.

Honestly, maybe my parents have a point. They might be better off without me.

"Shehnaaz bua!"

"Look, she's awake!"

I open my eyes to find four hazy faces hanging over mine. The girls look relieved but Jahan's eyebrows are pulled together uncertainly.

"Okay let's move to the side again. I'm gonna pick her up and take her upstairs."