Roaring sounds of the waves of greyish ocean leading me to be drawned in the midst of illuminated spooky eclipse. The strawberry skies, the lands of silvery gold, the rings of smokes, the wings of pure heart with a never ending war mocks us to live like a whisper in this world of fitnah.
The faulty clouds of my mind like the crayon pencil touched its grief. It's gruesome. It's unhealthy to live my life without Islam.
The parting ways of sinning, the ludicrous fangirling,
the sinful memories, the regretted past, the luminous and venomous backbites still taunt us.
And it's perfect hammer of punishment scares us sole to rainbow the bitter frigid sun. The wet welcoming sun with its radiant rays of run.
Discovering the newborn truth to unveil the beheaded falsehood until my soul again stings for the pierces I got.
" What if we get him married again?" Raifa the dearest sister in-law of mine asks playfully ignoring the fact that, it sings my soul fiercely. It stings as if it is getting stitched on the envelope of my heart.
" If he wishes to do so, get him married. I have no objections in this matter." I utter with my dried up lips with a plastered smile onto my lips.
It feels like... as if...
I fall down in the waves of sweet dreams only to get consumed in its brace. I hope if it remains only as a smouldering dream. Illusionary vision of an eternal smirking beam.
Taking small steps I enter my prison; a king sized bedroom of a huge luxurious house.
All was going well until I find a lack in me. I don't know how to describe it... how to breath with the letter I put in those words... It feels like...
... A peaceful yet silent agony still lingers in this huge house. What a couple would want more than a luxurious house and in this illusional world when this world is nothing but a beautiful lie.
Aladdin.. the name surrounds my brain.
He is a busy person never expressed anything as saddening in these 9 years with our togetherness. He enjoyed his life with me grasping islam. But still it is anguishing.
Nine years have passed, we lived peacefully with no worries. It is not the thing I want to talk about. It is all about the emptiness which surrounded our little life.
"Assalāmu alaikum warahmatullāhi wabarakathū." I hear him say while entering the bedroom. I replied back to the salām with a usual smile.
He gets freshened up and I take my time to set up the table.
He is silent, perhaps he had a hectic day today. We perform the Isha salah together and have our dinner. It is our daily routine. He talks while eating only to share his day with me ; but my veiled silence lifts up its courtain. He understands and goes silent. When my heart keeps hoping him to not be silent.
In bed, I can't fall asleep the whole night as Raifa's words keep echoing in my mind. My whitest pillow gets drenched for my evil tears only to ruining my pillow cover.
I huff in agony.
My heart goes heavy weighted.
I cry and cry until it goes dry.
Like this, numerous sleepless nights passes one by one. But it never successes in dispelling the vacancy in this house.
The house is really vacant- an empty hole of elders without any touch of childrens laughter, whithout any echoes of giggles, without any runaway from skipping food, without innocent stutters while pronouncing words. I know how much he denies he wants it too as much as I do. He wants it but he never shows it.
KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
Wahaashtini
Spiritual"Wear it on that day." My tears betray me as I struggle to say backfacing him a single, "ok." Why it is becoming so hard for me when I wanted him to marry for the 2nd time. I am the one who insisted him to do so. Why I'm feeling ill and fearing that...
