Grianangst

It's called: Freefall

He was drinking. After two years, Grian was drinking again. He wasn't exactly an alcoholic, he just had a time where he tried to drown his pain with alcohol. Some friends noticed that sadly and got him to stop. He was really thankful for that but he still missed the feeling of having nothing to worry about and the dizziness and stupidity he had when he drank. He often thought about drinking again, but somehow he always won the war against the temptations. Until tonight. He didn't know why he exactly started again, he was talking with Iskall before, since he wanted to vent to Grian about his stress nowadays. Iskall also had a pretty bad alcohol addiction, they both recovered and got to live a normal life again. The talk with Iskall reminded him of the old times, when everything was good. His life was great at the moment, he had finished his base and had a lot of friends who cared about him but still, he somehow felt empty. He was the therapist friend and everyone came to him when they had problems. It wasn't bothering Grian but he put the well-being of others over his own, which he sometimes realized a little too late before he got flashbacks again. Tonight was a night like this. After the talk with Iskall he went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He realized how bad he looked since he hadn't washed his hair in over a week and in general, forgot to eat. The face he saw in the mirror reminded him of some deeply repressed memories of his old server. As fast as he got those memories, they were gone again. But still, the shock was in his bones. He was shaking and he felt an anxiety attack coming up. He never thought that he had to open that cabinet again but today he just had to. He took a vodka from the shelf with shaking hands and without much thought, drank it down his throat. He felt the sharp sensation but he didn't care. It felt so good, he could't wait for the vodka to kick in. He didn't have to wait for long, since he hadn't eaten all day when he felt it. He was getting dizzy, his ability to think suddenly went away, he just felt like floating. He giggled at the long-missed feeling and made his way stumbling to the bedroom. He let himself fall into his bed and put his headphones on. He hit shuffle and let the music float in on him. He was thinking, at least he tried to. Then, a new song turned on, one full of flashbacks and memories. ~Called to the devil and the devil did come~ suddenly, Grian's eyes filled with tears . ~ Said to the devil, devil do you like drums?~ He had forgotten about this song. ~ Do you like cigarettes, dominoes, rum?~ The song continued as all the forgotten memories kicked in again. Grian was maybe drunk, but he could still feel all the emotions coming up. ~ Don't get me wasted on friends who resent you cause all you've ever done is been a noose to hang on to they thought was a necklace and reckless they fell into hell we both had nothing to do but scratch, kick~ Grian stood up to take another bottle ~the gravity went like fuck this~ He stumbled and fell onto the floor ~ the gravity went like~ He snatched another bottle ~ You could let it all go ~ Grian opened it, his face now full of tears ~you could let it all go it's called~ he takes another sip ~freefall~ He feels how he gets dizzier ~it's called: freefall~ Grian is now letting quiet sobs out. ~ called to the devil and the devil said "hey why have you been calling this late?"~ He curls into a ball ~"it's like to 2AM and the bars are closed in 10 in hell that's a rule I made"~ Grian feels how he slowly slips away into a void ~anyway, you say you're too busy saving everybody else~ he lets go of the bottle ~To save yourself~ he slowly fades away from reality ~ and you don't want no one help, oh well, that's a story to tell.~

The next day, Iskall found his friend unconscious on the floor.