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XII. the idea of being alone

Chapter Twelve 

 the idea of being alone

3rd person pov 

alex didn't know what to do now. he thought about the many ways to get out of this but there was just simply no possible way and it scared him. thinking of how they would die was scaring him and knowing that his sister has veah and juna had katya but he didn't have anyone was scaring him. 

"guys" he called out but he didn't hear or see any of them. he was scared all on his own and now he didn't know what to do. the idea of being alone was something that scared him especially right now but he would never say that. not now, not ever. He didn't know how to go about being alone, especially when there was a killer running around, but he wish he did. 

At times like this no one ever knows what to do and so he thought that if he called out to someone they would hear him and come back but they didn't. losing Jonathan was the worst thing that had ever happened to him because he loved him and then there was Caden but that was different. He thought about the fact that he might have to lose his sister to this stupid, fucking murderer, and he just wanted it all to be over. He understood how veah was feeling, she was the leader in this whole thing and he was supposed to be second in command but he wasn't helping as much as he wanted to and he hated that. why wasn't he helping? why couldn't he help? was there something wrong with him that made it so he couldn't help? 

Growing up he had always helped people no matter what but now, for some reason he was frozen in place, wondering why he couldn't help. No one blamed him for that though they had seen so many people died that night that you would probably be frozen in place too. He just wish there was a way for him to handle this without feeling so scared, or horrified or angry. 

he understood why veah was always so angry all the time. She let people in and now this happened. She knew that if she let people in she would get hurt, and even then she still let them in and now she was stuck at her job late at night being chased around by a murderer. He thought that if he was in her spot, he would be angry all the time too. Not at herself, but at the world and the people around her because it was happening and she couldn't do anything about it, but hope to survive. 

when he looked around, he could see veah and dora at the pool and he wanted to walk over but he also wanted to give them their space. he knew that something was going on with the pool the way they were staring at it and he too was curious but he knew about veahs feeling to his sister and his sisters feelings to veah. maybe they could finally admit it, sure it would suck that the idea of dying might bring them together but it was also the idea that they would be alone when dying and at least admitting that to each other would make them feel better. 

he now wished that he had told jonathan that he loved him but he didn't. He didn't even know that Jonathan was going to show up so when he did, he was shocked and he wanted him to go home. He didn't want Jonathan to die. He didn't want anyone to die, but especially not Jonathan. He knew that caden got to admit he liked kaylin to here but that didn't matter because she killed him. No one should ever have to spend the rest of their life, hiding the fact that they're in love with someone because of death or sadness or anger or fear. 

He would have to deal with the fact that he lost the love of his life, and couldn't even tell him that he loved him. Jonathan always had faith in the world. He always hoped that something would be good and that he could survive everything and he had the idea that he would grow up and live in a picket fence house with three dogs and his husband, but now he was dead, and there was nothing Alex could do.

That's why it's always better to admit that you're in love with someone before they die because you never know when they're gonna die. They could get killed or die old age or overdose, or literally anything in the world, because everyone dies. Telling someone you love them may be the hardest thing in the whole world, but it's easier than knowing that you've never got to tell them that you've loved them before they died. That was all Alex could think about right now. he would have to live with the fact that he couldn't admit he was in love. 

He didn't want that for Dora and Veah but he knew his sister was too scared and so was veah. but now he had to go to them and they had to figure this out. they had to find juna and katya and bring everyone back together so they can kill the others and deal with this for the rest of their lives. No one else was gonna die tonight and that was a pact  Alex was going to keep. 

If anyone else died veah would blame herself, and he didn't want that so he needed to make sure that all of them stayed alive for his sake and for hers. 

now it was all on him 

-ABBYS NOTES-

1 more chapter in act 2 and then its act 3. hoping to finish this soon btw