It's fine if you don't remember me (Destiel)

2. Dean: Accident

A week after we move in, something happened. Cas had some lazy job on an office and neither I nor him know what he do exactly, but when I was in the middle of my work, I got a call. I grab my phone. Hospital. I read and was confused but I hang on and then a women says to me that Cas fell down the stairs and had a concussion, I just hang up, with the promise to be there. I shot over to a workmate of my, Thomsen, that a accident happen and I must go. Then I was up in my impala and drive to the hospital as fast as I could. When I got there another women at the counter tells me the room number and I run through the halls. Cas door was open and when I got to the door, I stand still. Cas was sitting in his bed a bandaged around his head and calming down a crying women, I didn't know her but she wears a suit like Cas always wear when he went to work. „Oh God, I'm still so sorry. I didn't see there was the stairs and I didn't want to push you either. I'm so sorry.", the women cry and Cas just try to calm her down, so he petted her arm. „It wasn't your fault, Saskia, I was just didn't paying attention. And I'm not really hurt. It is just a few bruises and a mild concussion, nothing to worry about, I can get out today and in two days I can go back to work." Cas smile at her to cheer her up and I stare at him and now I recognice how fast my heartbeat was all the time. I was scared about losing Cas too. Even if he didn't remember me, it was still Cas, the way he speaks and moves and all his mature and even the angels power was in him, even if Dean have tell him to not use them anymore, because the demons will get him or she when he used them just once. Maybe it was a lie, but when Cas just helps one person he would to help all of them and then the demons will pay attention. I didn't even know how but then I'm standing in the middle of the room and Cas face lighting up at seeing me. „Dean.", he says and I just go to him and hugging him. I just feeling right to wrap my arms about the angel, who doesn't know he was one. I look him in the eyes. „Never scare me like that ever again.", I say and Cas just nods. Just when I looked in his blue eyes again, I realized, that angel can't get hurt from something like that, so maybe he fell from a whole bunch of stairs but the doctor just things he must have at least a mild concussion. He wouldn't loose me, I thought and smile at him.

The women patted still with tears in her eyes Cas arm and leaving, on the door she turn around and look in my eyes with guilt. „I'm sorry for hurting your boyfriend.", she say and then disappera. I look confused at Cas. „Why does she think we're gay?", I say, this question is on my mind a lot. Why are people always think me and Cas were gay. Cas wasn't gay or straight, he was an angel. I don't think there have something like sexual orientation or at least anything sexual. Of course it disappoints me.

Cas shrugs his shoulder and I sit beside him in a chair. I stair at his blue eyes and his messy dark hair and his smooth lips and again I just want to kiss him. This feeling wasn't new. I have feelings for Cas since a long time. I was meaning romantic feelings, but Cas was Cas and I never was brave enough to say what I feel. One of the angels also told me that something like friendship between human and Angel are forbidden, but a romantic relationship was cursed by death and what I couldn't handle was Cas dead and all of it was my fault.

I stare at Cas a long time now. The good thing on Cas being Cas was, that I can stare at him as long as I want he wouldn't think anything about it and just stare back.

I sighed and pet his and, only to touch him. „It's good, that you're okay.", I say.

I was staying the whole day at Cas Bed and drive him home, when the Doctor say he can go.

The Doctor was wondering how good Cas was, because he didn't find any sighs for a concussion and even the few bruises were gone. I dragging Cas out the hospital before the Doctor can wonder more.

At home I put him directly in his bed and make dinner for him and force him to eat.

I know that Cas didn't need rest, he not even need sleep, but I keep telling him that he need rest, so that I can help him, what was really rare.

I also tell Cas to keep secret, that he doesn't need food or sleep. I force him to sleep, so that he didn't run at night through the flat and I force him to eat, so I can cook for him. I keep telling him, that I would feel lonely if he wouldn't eat with me and I tell him that his workmates will wonder if he didn't eat in his break, so I could make him sandwiches everyday.

Cas didn't understand why I doing it, but he see that it makes me happy to make him food, so he didn't questioned it.

After I and Cas eat in his bedroom dinner, he wash the dishes and come back. Sitting in the chair beside him, like in the hospital. Then I grab the remote and switch the TV on and let it on an movie, I didn't care about, I was just tired. I throw the remote beside Cas. „Switch if you want. When it annoys you you can turn it off.", I say, but like always Cas didn't touch the remote. Once I was thinking that he didn't know how the remoter works so I show him, but he really doesn't care for the TV and just stares at me or at the screen and wonder about the technology.

While I'm staring at the TV, I feel how I drop of to sleep and then I was dreaming.

I think it was dreaming, because I was at this river again, the river Cas died, or I was thinking he died in.

First I was alone, but then I see Cas in the river, I see him going down, just his finger tips through the water and I spring the river, swim to him. I look under the water but can't see him. I go up for breath and shout: „Cas!? Cas?! Where are you?" I look around in the water but didn't see him. Then something catch my feet and drown me, I scream and kick under the water.

I woke up, sweating and panting. I see Cas in the bed staring at me. I mumble: „Sorry, nightmare. I go sleep in my bed." and stand up. I was at the door, when Cas ask me something. „Who is Cas?" I turn around and stare at him. „You say it while you were asleep.", he whispers. „Cas is my best friend.", I say easy. „Why were you screaming?", he ask, and I didn't want him to. „Because he's gone.", I say and know I sound like a bitch. „I'm sorry.", he looks down. But for me this was shit. Talking with Cas about how he leaves me and he sit just there. „He was important to you?", Cas say and it just remember me of the voice he used to speak about Sam and it make me thing that Cas is really dead, but I see in his eyes and know he isn't, because the man in front of me is still my Cas and so I say the one thing I never have tell anybody before: „I was in love with him."

I look up at Cas eyes, he seemed surprised. I know I didn't look like gay and I wasn't. It sounds girly and dumb, but Cas is special and always will be, he's the one expectation I will ever make.

„Were you like ... together?", Cas ask and I shake my head. „I never tell him, so I didn't know his feelings for me." „I'm sorry.", Cas say, but maybe I was wrong, but he doesn't seemed so sorry.

„Yeah, Good night then.", I say and leave. I didn't want to talk about this stuff.