It's fine if you don't remember me (Destiel)

3. Dean: Light in my Life

When I woke up next morning, routine goes on like ever, even if Cas didn't need to work today. Before I go I remind him on rest a bit, even if I know that he doesn't need to, but I didn't want him get himself in danger, just because he does something stupid, when he try to go for a walk.

Since yesterday I was more carrying for Cas and know that I need to take care of him and not the opposite.

Cas was friendly and selfless and all in all a wonderful man, but he was also careless and have often big problems with handle even small things, I still wonder how he managed our life for the last weeks. But I want to take care now. And I do.

After the accident I smile more often, I meet workmates out of work and I even help our neighbor, a old lady, to repair her light in the living room.

And because I got livelier Cas got too, he even managed to make bad jokes and it make me laughed, more because I love him, than because there were funny. I just love it when he trys to make me happy and his effort make me more happy than anything else can do. And I was just thinking that remember doesn't really matter anymore, because he could make me happy even without. Why should he remember all those crap, when he can stay with me here as humans.

But then this one night came and he ask about Cas again.

„You really loved him, I mean Cas?" I was just nodding. „How was he?", Cas ask. He look at me, still hiding his face behind the book he was reading. I smile. „He is friendly, selfless, he would do anything for me, he don't understand most of the reference I make, he trust me and I trust him, I would give my life for him, anytime." „Why are you say that like he was still alive?", Cas ask and tilted his head to the side and I love it. „Because he is for me." and that was right, even without memory's, for me Cas was still Cas.

„So you really love him, even if he's gone?", Cas ask, but his voice sounds weird, like he try to hide his anger. I look at his hands, there grub at the book. „What's wrong?", I ask and stand up, he still hides his face and didn't say anything. „Talk to me.", I say and grab his book. Behind the book a sobbing Cas showed up. „Everything is fine, I'm not hurt.", he say with his normal voice, but break down by his sobbing. „What's wrong?" I look serious at him. „Nothing, I didn't know why I am crying. There just won't stop ...", his voice breaks down and I lean down and hug him.

After a while he stop crying in my shirt and just lean against me. It feels damn good to have his body press against mine and his face hid in my shoulder. We stay like this a long time. He curled up in my chest, still sitting at the armchair and me kneeling before him and my arms warp around him.

But I still didn't get what that was, so I asking him. He look at me. „I didn't know, I just felt angry and so sad." he start crying again and I press him at me again. I wouldn't ask, if it makes him cry, but I was pretty sure, I know what that was.

Cas was jealous ... over himself ... without knowing.

I should tell him, but then he want even more to know about himself, and I don't want to ruin his life now, so I can't tell him, but I wasn't sad at it, because I just can think about the fact that Cas probably have feelings for me, a theory I must test out.