Chapter 9

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DevonLee: turns out i do own clothes

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DevonLee: turns out i do own clothes

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Tommy has been acting really weird ever since he arrived at my house which makes me wonder if he is going to tell me some bad news or accuse me of something.

"Why did you start posting your mother?" He asks as we sit opposite eachother in my family room and I look up from my phone. "Why now?"

"She's my mom." 

"I know she's your mom but..." My dad looks at a loss for words. "It was weird to see you post her since you never really have nor have you spoken about her."

"The truth is that I never had the space to." I chew on the inside of my cheek as he looks at me in confusion. "Nobody has ever made me feel as if I was allowed to speak about my mom so I never did but now I'm being overcome with a lot of emotion that I can't control."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He awkwardly asks while scratching the back of his head.

"The year that my mother passed is the same year that I moved in with your parents and everyone found out that you had a daughter. I never got to grieve her death or fully process that I had lost my mother and would never see her again because I wasn't given the opportunity to." I confess while wiping at my eyes which are tearing up. "Nobody spoke about it in that house, nobody took me to therapy or even asked if I was ok."

"Oh Dev." My dad starts to tear up at my words.

"I didn't feel as if I could bring up her death because by then the world knew about your daughter and my whole life changed in a different way. The whole world wanted to know all about me and our relationship so much that they forgot that my mother even existed." More tears fall from my eyes. "Even I forgot about her."

A loud sob rips from my lips as I process what I just said and that is when my dad comforts me for the first time about my mom's death.

"I was the worst fucking dad ever." He lets out a deep sigh as he pulls me closer to his body and I continue to cry over the loss of my mother. "You were this cool kid that seemed unaffected by everything so I thought you were ok but you were only a kid. You deserved to have a loving family who helped you grieve your mother's death and I am so sorry that I did nothing to help you. I am sorry for dropping you off at my parents and going back on tour when I should have been there to see how you were dealing with it."

"You left me when I needed you most." I bite down on my bottom lip to stop the loud sounds leaving my lips as I wipe at my eyes. 

"I..." My dad stops talking as he rubs my head. "Becoming a father was something that I never anticipated early in life so when I found out that your mom was pregnant, I had mixed feelings about it. Everyone talks about how happy they are or how inlove they are with their baby when they first see them but I thought that my life was over even more so when I found out about Colson."

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