Black College Girl

What Did I Just Do

Destiny

What would you do if you were in my position? I've done so much in my life that I'm not proud of you, and I honestly don't want to keep making the same fucked up mistakes. Just happened to be with different people. I know I have a chance in the matter: stay here and sleep with him or go back to your dorm which is now your new home. Which one is the right one to make? What's the right decision? I've been down this road before, and I'm scared of making the same mistake again.

I want to go home. I wish I had someone to call on in this moment. "Come on man. It's gone be quick." I shook my head as I moved his hand once again. What part of no does he not understand? He moved over away from me as he grabbed his phone.

"I'm about to drop you off then." I turned over and looked at him. Looking back at this exact moment, I wish I would've just gone home the first time he said it. Instead, this is now a memory that I will always regret.

"What? What do you mean? Cause I won't have sex with you, you're going to take me home?" Call it what you want. I don't have a good relationship with my family, and I never have. I don't have a positive role model for a mom or even a father... So, look at me now. Just look at me.

"Yeah, I am."

"That's weird as fuck. Shit was all cool over the phone, but now you just doing too much. Why couldn't we just watch the show and chill? Why are you trying to fuck me for? You don't even know me." He didn't even give a fuck. His aura definitely said I'm here for a reason.

"You're cute and I'm attracted to you. Isn't that enough?" What in the fuck am I hearing? He doesn't know me from a can of paint. Why am I even here? I should just go home. The even fucked up part about is that I'm still laying in the bed. I barely brought anything with me here in the first place.

Lord have mercy, why have I gotten myself into with him? Should I fuck him? Will it take how I'm feeling away? He's not even that good looking for me to spread my legs for him. I always seem to meet the fucked-up men who only care about themselves. "So, what do you want to do?"

I couldn't think. What would be the right thing to do in this case? I don't want to go back home, especially alone. He might just end up fucking me and taking me home anyway. Is the dorm even my home now? I'll be here until the second semester ends anyway. What the fuck am I doing here in the first place? I honestly don't know what the right decision is, but I don't want to go back to my dorm.

"We can... just do it." I said that slowly with so much doubt. I know I'm not confident in doing this, but I need something. I need to feel something. Tears tried to come out, but I held them in as he got off the bed. It made me feel like I blacked out. I stared into space as I watched him pull his pants down. He grabbed a towel from his closet and put it down on the bed.

"Stand up." He grabbed my hand as he led me off the bed. He turned me around facing the bed as he bent me over and pulled my boxers down. I could back out now. I want to back out now. If so, why am I still here? Lord please be with me. I heard him grab out a condom as he prepared himself. My stomach started to turn as I started to feel disgusted with myself.

Javius moved his dick up and down my pussy, but I wasn't feeling it. I'm dry down there and that means I'm not into it. I just laid there bent over as he started to try to force it in. Each time, it hurt worse than the last. When he got the tip halfway in, I moved forward to get away. "Come back. Stop moving."

Just stop right now. You don't have to keep doing this. My nerves and anxiety are going haywire. "Lay down." I felt his hand force me fully down as I laid there zoned out. I couldn't wait for this to just be over. He kept trying a couple more times, until he finally got his dick in me. Yet again, I moved forward. Groaning, I felt him back away as I started to hear shuffling.

"Fuck." Javius said as I started to stand up. I watched as he put his clothes back on as I just stood there looking stupid.

"Why are you just standing there like that?" I just shrugged my shoulders. He didn't say anything, so I grabbed the towel, and wiped myself with it. Looking down, I saw blood, and immediately started to panic.

"Guess I popped your cherry." He laughed to himself as he made it seem like he just didn't give a fuck. Maybe he really didn't give a fuck and I was so naive, that I gave in to him.

"I wasn't a virgin." I continued to wipe myself off as he sat on the bed, waiting for me to finish. Once I was done, I put back on my boxers. My whole being just feels so destroyed. I feel so disgusted. What have I done?

"You ready?" I couldn't even think. I slept with a man I've known for only a week, and now he's kicking me out after we've had sex. I honestly just hate myself even more than I already did. I started to feel sore, and I honestly just wanted to run home.

"Yeah." I grabbed my things as we headed back the same way we came from. I put on my shoes as we headed towards the door. My stomach is in the pit of my ass and all I want to do is curl up in bed.

What a way to start off my first night at college.