Lusting For Lucy : Bonus Chapters & Chenford One Shots

S1E12 - Heartbreak

Finally mustering up the courage to get out of the car, I walked to the entrance of the garden. I found Lucy waiting for me under the garden arbor. I was surprised when I saw her, what was she doing here?

I went up the steps to greet her. Standing in front of her, this almost didn't feel real, it was like I was having a dream.

"Hi," she smiled at me, and I returned a smile of my own. "You finally made it." She said.

"Yeah, I'm glad I did." I laughed lightly. I was so confused but I didn't care. Lucy looked beautiful in this garden and I just wanted to spend all day with her.

She smiled shyly. Then I saw she actually had a little bit of makeup on. I realized I almost never saw her in makeup since she didn't wear any on duty. But the little bit she had on just enhanced her natural feminine features.

"You look great," I complimented her. I was glad I came, seeing her like this was worth it.

She nervously played with her hair. "For someone who never has a reason to get dressed up," she joked.

"I could give you a reason." I said suggestively. I would love to take her out to a nice restaurant and show her off. I just wish we didn't work together. In another life where she is a therapist or nurse or whatever, I would have asked her out already but...

Lucy laughed, and it was a genuine, real laugh. It felt good to hear that coming from her. It made me smile.

"Come on," she waved and we started walking down the pathway together.

"So what now?" I asked as we walked along.

"Well, we need to talk about some uncomfortable things," she said.

"I don't want to talk about that stuff," I complained, already knowing what she was referring to.

"I don't want to talk about it either, but it's important." she explained, walking along side of me.

"Does it really matter all that much that I'm getting divorced? I haven't even shared a bed with Isabel for close to two years now, things were rough in the end." I asked.

She smiled sweetly, "I think it matters to you."

I internally groaned. I didn't want to talk about this stuff. I already did enough talking with Lucy as she was constantly psychoanalyzing me.

"And you think talking about this is gonna make it better?" I asked.

"No. But it might make you feel better," she answered.

"I find that hard to believe." I sighed, exacerbated.

She chuckled. "Have I been wrong yet? I know it's hard for you to trust right now but it's okay, you know I don't judge."

"It's not that. It's just..." I struggled to voice my racing thoughts. "Isabel isn't what I am struggling with lately. The divorce has been a long time coming and if anything I am relieved that we are no longer together. I couldn't leave her or abandon her, but at the same time I felt like I couldn't help or save her either."

"It wasn't your job to save her. You're job was to teach her how to be strong and resilient." She replied.

"My job was to be her husband." I replied stubbornly.

"Like it's your job to be my T.O.?" she asked knowingly. 

"I.. That's... It's..." I glared over at her. "I am your T.O. and I take that very seriously."

"Oh, I know." She nodded. "But sometimes, relationships don't fit in perfect little boxes." She fluttered her lashes at me. I rolled my eyes. 

"We are just co-workers. You know that." I said, looking out at the gardens surrounding us.

"Is that so? Then what are we doing here?" she said, gesturing around at the romantic garden.

"I don't know, why did you bring me here?" I asked.

"Tim, do you have something you need to say to me?" she said, touching my arm.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I replied, confused.

"Tim. Be serious." She chided me.

"I am being serious." I looked at her sternly.

"So, you don't have feelings for me." She looked innocently up at me.

"I... I think you are a good person and a good rookie." I said.

"And you don't like anything else about me." She asked, a sultry vibrato to her voice.

"That's not fair to ask. I'm a guy, of course there are certain things I like about you." I replied picking up on her insinuation.

"So... You've never fantasized about what it would be like to kiss me?" she asked.

"Um..."

"Or how it would feel if I..." and her hand cupped my growing hard on. Fuck. What was happening to me right now? "Were to play with this loaded gun." 

"Lucy..." I groaned as she started to rub me from the outside of my jeans as her body pressed closer to me.

"Tell me, Tim." she whispered in my ear, her lips hovering so close I could easily kiss her.

"Fuck, Lucy."

"Tell me you've never, not once fantasized about this." She groped me, pushing me closer to the edge. I needed more, I wanted more. I leaned into her touch, letting the desire set my veins on fire. Then I reach up and caressed her cheek before pushing her back and putting some much needed space between us.

"Lucy, I can't. I can't do this with you. You're my rookie." I said.

"Are you sure, Tim?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I nodded, knowing that if I let this continue I will get lost in her. It would be so easy to do. But I couldn't do that... I couldn't risk both of our careers for a whim. I had to let her go, and that broke my heart more than Isabel leaving me did.

____________

When I woke up there was a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the nightstand next to me. I immediately took two and chugged the water down. I was still in my clothes from the night before and I was sweating. I hadn't been this hungover in years. My head was pounding and I was ready to throw up, but I kept everything down and just held my head in my hands. I eventually looked up at the alarm clock, it was only 6 AM. Of course, my internal clock wouldn't let me sleep in even when I am hungover as fuck.

I tried to remember what happened last night but everything past my third beer was kind of a blur. I was drinking them pretty fast, but it may have gotten away from me. I instantly felt embarrassed. Of course, Nell took care of me and got me home. Nobody had ever seen me that vulnerable, not even Lucy, god forbid that ever happens. I am never drinking again.

I tried to remember Nell getting me home and it was all blank. I could only hope and pray I didn't say or do anything too embarrassing. I was definitely gonna have to get her some sort of 'please don't tell anyone that happened' sort of gift. Maybe a gift card to the bookstore? Or a new pair of hiking boots?

My headache slowly became more manageable so I jumped into the shower before heading to work for my workout. This routine would be painful today, but I deserved it.