𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 || baxter radic (discontinued)

15.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗

I never get a break from Josh. Not matter where I go he's there. Every scene I film I have to stop my real life feelings from getting mixed up in Cove's feelings. It's hard to stop it. It's hard to stop the butterflies from forming every time his skin as little as grazes against mine.

How have I succeeded in this process in the past? Was I just not that close with past costars? Everything felt the same as past times. Well, this team made things a bit more personal, but maybe that's what did it. Maybe it was just Josh himself, taking the extra steps to make it believable. That's what scared me most. What if this was all some act just for the on screen performance?

He steals glances and shoots me forgiving smiles. He teases me and has me begging to be by him. But then he too pushes away. I don't know who is learning from who but it seems like we are adopting each other's habits. I don't know how much longer this can go on before we both crumble. There's only so many buttons that can be pressed before someone inevitably loses it. If we didn't tiptoe carefully, we'd end up pushed so far apart, we'd end up in different time zones all over again.

"You did great today." He drops his hand around the small of my back as he approaches with a compliment.

"You did too." I smile coy. I can feel my cheeks tinting but I try and shake off the feeling. The butterflies cannot return. No matter how many times my lips touch his, I can't lose myself in him. He was just like Bax, he would hurt me.

"How does it feel to be dating the coolest guy on set?" His bright smile lights up the whole room. It's enough to get lost in. The confidence he radiates. The smugness he always brings.

"Won't be cool when you break my heart in the final episode." I try to act cold, stop myself from slipping, but it's Josh. He's got some sort of control over my mind that I can't figure out how to navigate.

"You go back to America, what do you want me to do? Yell at the writers for making me break your heart?" He tips his finger under my chin as he steps closer toward me.

I step back. Shaking myself from his gentle touch. The one that sends tingles up my spine. If I continue down this path, I'll end up with a gunshot wound to the chest that I'll take months to recover from. That gunshot coming from my foot stepping on and airplane taking me thousands upon thousands of miles away from him.

"Oh come on Buttercup." His face falls, hating the space I'm putting between us. He's been attaching himself more to me lately. After the recent shoots where we are endlessly falling for each other. He's found it quite hard to step away. His screen life is lingering into real life, but we already knew that.

"The lines are blurring Josh. I can't tell on screen from off screen anymore. It's like everything in the script is what's actually happening between us in real life and I'm sorry but, I can't get my heart broken by you twice." I shake my head feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable. I want to run away. I want to hide away in my trailer, but I know that he'll just follow me if I run. He's my own personal human puppy dog. Wherever I go, he follows.

"You're always so scared." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. Another touch that makes my mind spin. "Take a chance. If we break each other's hearts someone else will be waiting. Why miss the opportunity of a life time?" His tongue juts out to wet his lips and my eyes glue to the action like it's the only thing going on in the world.

"Just imagine us taking the world by storm." He makes theatrical motion for me to visual us doing just that. "If we're not working, we can travel the world together and see things Buttercup. We don't have to part just because this story comes to an end." He motions toward the set around us.

"Josh..." my voice trails and my eyes meet his again.

"If I kiss you and you feel nothing, then this all ends here. If I kiss you, and you feel anything I think that's your hearts way of telling you to jump." He inches his face closer to mine. My heart is thumping hard against the inside of my chest. If someone checked my heart rate I'm sure it would be off the charts. My hands are beginning to get clammy. I'm losing focus and then his lips press against mine as he tucks his arms around my lower back to pull me in closer.

Electricity shoots though my body as we meld together like a perfect combination should. It's effortless and easy. But then feelings start, overthinking begins, and all this perfection is lost. But that only comes once our bodies part from one another.

"So what is it?" His chest is rising and falling irregularly, like he's just fought tooth and nail to convince me that this is what is end game.

"You already know..." I can't lie. He can feel the way I react to him. I don't want to verbally admit how I am feeling. I feel if I do, I will have lost.

"I am not Baxter. I will not break your heart. I think I've shown you enough that I'm willing to fight for what I want. I've been annoying you since the day your arrived. I think I've shown I can be trusted Stella." His touch is light against my skin now. He's gentle because he knows it's exactly what I need.

"You're going to kill me one day." I drop my head against his chest.

"It's not in the plans, but I mean..." he chuckles.

"Josh!" I push against his chest, but pull him back toward me by a yank of the front of his shirt.

"Needed to see that smile." He pokes my cheek before offering his hand toward me. "I'm not going to push you to be more but... I hope before we're done here you know, maybe you'll consider it."

"I think you've already pushed Sugar Pie." I look at him out of the corner of my eye as we walk. "So if you want to be more, I'll try and let my guard down."

He smiles at me, but doesn't push any further. This man has closed me up and opened me in a whole different light. He was a one of a kind bombshell willing to explode everything, but also make it much more beautiful in reply. You could say I'm a sucker for a man who tries. But it's really just that smile that's gone and won me over.