𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 || baxter radic (discontinued)

19.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗

We finished wrapping up the show two weeks ago and I'm still in Australia. I can't force myself to leave, but I know that I have to go home. My family misses me. My best friend misses me. I miss them too. But I swear I'm struck with PTSD after filming the ending of our show. That dreadful moment is lingering in the back of my mind. I really don't want to experience it again.

"How about I fly home with you?" Josh says as I curl up with him on the couch of the new house I've had to move into. "That way you don't have to walk away."

"Then you'd have to walk away and I don't want you to have to do that either." I huff and he chuckles at my irritation.

"We have a vacation planned with your family in a month. It's not like we're going to be apart for long. If I go with you, then we can just fly together!" He exclaims kind of excited that he finally gets to meet my parents. I met his the day we wrapped filming. The anxiety I had was off the charts but now they've become part of my life—almost like family—oddly enough.

"Okay." He starts on another ramble to convince me, but stops himself when he realizes what I've said.

"Wait, you said okay?" His eyebrows are furrowed, but a smile is plastered across his face.

"Yeah, I'll tell my family we're both coming back. They won't mind. Our house is too empty without people. Whoever wants to stay, stays." I dance my fingers up and down his arms as I feel an excitement fill his body.

"Book us tickets?" He asks. Clearly being the less organized one out of the two of us. Everything in my life had to be perfect. It's why I tried so hard to control the relationship I had with Josh. We see how that went.

"Of course." I didn't mind paying for his ticket either. Sure, the tickets were pretty expensive, but he was worth it I've come to find out. He offered to make me happy. I offered to pay because he did make me happy. Everyone wins. I don't have to do an almost 24-hour flight alone, that was an added bonus.

We stay up later than normal waiting for a good time to ring up my family. When I get through to them, they're excited to learn that I'm finally coming home. But more than anything their excited to see the boy who has made me a whole different girl. I don't think that they thought their little Stella would ever settle down. But here we are. We got here somehow.

Josh is more shy than he normally is. But I know as soon as he meets them in person he'll fit in just perfectly. My best friend on the other hand, is ready to grill him like he's on his last life. I'm ready to watch him stand his ground with her. They're a lot alike. It was going to be good—for everyone.

We end up crashing on the couch. At least I end up falling asleep there. When I wake, I'm in my own bed and Josh is gone. I assume to get everything ready for the trip. I don't know what needs to be done, but I'm sure he's asking his parents to help him if he doesn't know. It's sad waking up alone but I know it's for reason. And it's confirmed even further when I walk into the bathroom to see a sticky note stuck to the mirror. It reads, "Good morning Buttercup, you have breakfast waiting in the kitchen. Have a good day. See you later. Call me when you miss me. Sugar Pie"

The sentimental note makes me smile. I add it to the collection of notes Josh seems to love to write. It feels like I have hundreds of them at this point, but I know it's not that many. I've kept every single one, filing them away in a random folder I had to buy specifically for them. It's a folder with pies on it—super fitting.

I contemplate calling him right away, but instead I stumble into the kitchen to a bag of donuts on the counter. Which I devour in seconds. I haven't eaten since this time the day before—to say I was hungry would be an understatement.

Once my body is full with fuel again, I make my way into the shower to get ready for the day. It doesn't take long, and I don't get spruced up, but it's enough time without telling the boy I've come to really enjoy that I miss him. So I pick my phone up and call him. He doesn't answer, but I don't pay any mind, he was busy. I assumed.

And I'm right because he calls me back not even seconds later. "Hello to you Sleepy Head." He chuckles. I hear a lot of chatter around so I understand why he's gone off.

"Hi." I say coy. "I hope you're having a good day."

"Would be even better if you were with me." Oh the mush. He thought I hated it, so he always showered me in it. I secretly loved it. Just pretended to hate it so he'd shower me with more of it. He'd do anything to do stuff that pushes my buttons.

"Cringe." Definitely not cringe.

"I'll see you later okay?" He asks like I'm going to say no. Like I can't stand waiting without him. Like he'd drop everything he was doing to come spend time with me. And without a doubt he would. But I'd be okay on my own. I should probably start packing and cleaning up this place if we're leaving in a few days.

"Miss you." I call out as I pull the phone away and hang up before he can mumble any more nonsense to make me miss him even more.

It's honestly weird how attached I feel to him. Like I can't live without him. When someone becomes such an integral part of your every day when they're not around things just feel off. That's how it felt whenever Josh and I were apart. It felt like I was missing a part of me. Weird, I know. Coming from the place where we started this journey, where I hated every single part of him.

I'm glad I don't hate him though. Once I let go, things just felt so much better on screen. Acting with him no longer felt like acting. Which we found out the hard way. Every single thing that we acted out on screen were emotions that we were dealing with in real life. I think that's how we knew that the fans were going to love what we put out for them. Even if we were only background characters, they'd love us just like they loved Bax and Summer in season two.