Mutual

10 - Heart-to-Hearts

Alana heard a soft knock on her bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

The door opened slowly, and Ana came in, closing the door behind her. "Hey."

"What happened?" Alana could immediately tell that her sister was subdued.

"Nothing. Just..." she sighed a little and sat criss-cross in front of Alana on the bed. "I don't know if things are working out between me and Dylan."

"Why not? I didn't think you were having problems. You get along great."

"Yeah, I know. We're not having problems per se. I'm just not sure if we have that spark, you know?"

Alana wanted to support her sister, but all she could think was oh shit oh shit oh shit, don't tell me Daisy and ma were right.

"Have you two...talked about it at all?"

Anastasia let out a breath. "No, but I think we should. I mean, he's great. I do really like him. But it feels like things aren't really going anywhere."

Alana nodded, hoping she didn't look as distressed on the outside as she felt on the inside. "You think he feels the same way?"

"Maybe. I don't know. It feels like he likes me, too, but we've barely even made out, and it's been a few months by now."

Alana wasn't sure if she needed the mental image, but she understood that Ana needed to talk about it. "Well, if it's how you feel, there's not much you can do about it. You definitely need to have a conversation with him though."

"I will. But hey, this should be good news for you, right?" She said lightly.

What's that supposed to mean? Does she know about the not-flirting? Did she find out that I might just find him the slightest bit attractive? Alana's thoughts began to spiral.

"I know you two don't exactly get along or like each other."

Alana let out a quiet breath she was quite aware she was holding. "Uh, yeah, I guess so."

"That's not very convincing," Ana said, a bit confused.

"Well, you know, you like each other. I thought he made you happy. I tolerate him because you like him."

"But you don't like him. And if we decide to end things, you wouldn't have to see him as much."

"Right," she agreed. But the thought of him suddenly not being around anymore didn't feel like a good thing. Apparently, she'd grown to appreciate his presence. And that worried her a little bit.

"Thanks for listening, Lana." She moved to give her a quick hug.

"Of course. I'm always here for you."

"I know," she said with a small smile. Ana got up off the bed and made her way back out of the room. As she opened the door, she thanked Alana again, then left.

Alana was glad Ana was able to get that off her chest and knew she must've been feeling a little lighter. But now, Alana felt weighed down by guilt.

What if it's my fault? What if Ana feels like she just couldn't deal with me and Dylan not getting along? Even though we sort of have started to get along.

But no, Ana said she didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere. That has nothing to do with me.

Oh god, but what if it's not going anywhere because he does have an interest in me? What if the not-flirting really was flirting, and that's why he doesn't want things to go further with Ana?

Then, that would mean Daisy and ma were right. And oh no, they'd be insufferable and never let me live it down.

But now I'm just getting ahead of myself. He probably doesn't even like me. I mean, I barely like him. Do I actually like him? Oh, god. He and Ana are still dating! How can I think about liking him or him liking me when they're still together?

They might have their talk and realize that they really do like each other and want to give it some more time. Maybe it'll work out for them in the end, and I'm just getting ahead of myself.

Why is this such a mess?