Say Puta

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Sometimes I'd consider myself as 'too old for my age.' I've had lots of personal experiences that I should be experiencing later on at life.

One example is my first crush. In third grade. Yup.

My feelings developed to more than just a puppy love, mind. I actually proposed my feelings for her in the weirdest way ever.

So, here's how it went:

My crush and I (let's call her K) were on the same class in third grade. I was seated three rows behind her, by the window.

She was the silent type, smiling to herself every now and then. For me, that's the cutest thing ever. Being a timid guy myself, we instantly became friends. My feelings towards her already existed before our friendship itself, so this new bond was like a milestone for me.

Truth be told, I was obsessed with her. Not the creepy kind of obsessed where I slobber on her pics or sniff her hair or anything. I just sang some songs whenever she's around is all. Despite my shows of affection, she remained oblivious.

That's when I decided to shed some light for her and propose my feelings. Being a third grader was a lot of help. I acted like a robot (for real) as I said, "The real me sent the robo me to tell you he likes you!" In front of all my friends. As you may already know, I put up that robot shit as a safety net. If I ever made a blunder or embarrass myself, I could just feign ignorance and tell them it's my robot body and shit. Truth be told, thank God no one remembered that fiasco.

Back to the story. I didn't expect her to respond, but she did. How crazy is that!? She just giggled and told me I'm silly, then we never talked for three years. I was all like, "Woah, I never thought she'd take my words so seriously." We're eight for crying out loud.

Three years. That's how long it took her to make a proper response, which was, "Sorry, but I like C."

At first, I was like, "Whutcha talkin' 'bout?" Coz I totally forgot. Then I remembered and was all "Whaaaat?" Then I went like, "Wait, C seriously!?" C was my best friend (among many others) but I never thought that he'd be the one to capture K's heart. Probably because he's just as crazy as I was.

I was depressed at first, but the events at school kept me swaying and once again, I gradually forgot.

After graduation, I moved to another school where I had my first actual relationship. I felt really bad that I didn't even get to say goodbye. I got my first taste of sour bitch juice in my new school, but that's a story for another time.

Due to bad treatment, I retreated back to my hometown and enrolled on my second year of highschool there. What I found there rocked me to my core (not really.)

I discovered later on that K was in a relationship with R, my really tall, rich friend. For the first time, I was okay with that. R was, after all, a very respectable figure in our school. Too bad their relationship ended with the school year, because R decided he wanted some of M's buns. R and M went steady for another year before they broke up. Turned out M's got a long line of suitors that she gets to play with. Bitch.

The separation gave me a small window of opportunity to try my luck again. I invited K to be my partner in our prom. After the dance, we along with some friends, went to an after party celebration. That's where I got the chance to tell her my feelings once more. Her response? A smile. I didn't know what to make of that, but I will find out soon. She must have thought that I was drunk but I wasn't. Sure, I downed a few cans of beer and a bottle of vodka, but that doesn't mean I'm drunk, unlike C who puked all over the place after a single shot.

After the celebration, some dumb blabbermouth spread the gossip that K and I are a couple. This complicated things a bit. That means a lot. Although we are close, K needed to put some space between us until the rumors died down. That's a whole year of awkward silence later.

Senior year, prom. I asked K again and she was my only dance. My friends all kind of backed off for me, and so did the Juniors.

I was wearing my balls that night, so I proposed to her again, for the third and last time. Her response? Another smile.

At long last, graduation came. The toils of our batch came to end, but I'm still waiting. I need closure to move on to college and never see my friends again.

The pics were taken, diplomas given, songs sang, dances dang. J shook my hand as I soaked in my complete defeat. Everyone started to leave, but I stayed glued to my seat, staring blankly at the stage. What now?

I felt someone tap at my shoulder. I turned and was delighted by K's beautiful smiling face, her black hair flowing in waves. The sight of her almost made me cry. Almost.

I opened my mouth but she silenced me with her finger. She leaned towards me and gave me a hug. I hugged back tighter. That is the best day of my life.

All of a sudden, she whispered something to me.

"I love you, too."

The suddenness of her words hit me like a brick to the face. Why now, when she knows we will never meet again? Why now, after all those years of courting her? Is this her way of saying goodbye? Is my love really going to die tragically, just like that? My heart was being torn between happiness and sorrow.

I was so shocked and absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice her let go of me.

"Do you still love me?" she asked, holding my hands in hers.

I didn't or couldn't answer. The final moments we spend together will ultimately be sealed by my answer. Not hers, but mine. That's not what I want. I never want to part with K. I don't want my first love to become just a memory. I don't want her to fade away from me.

In the end, all I could offer her was my smile.