Choose us (Wilmon FF)

21

(Three weeks until the third gala)
Simon

Wilhelm: We have to talk.

Simon's first instinct was to think that Wilhelm wanted to break off what they had. On the one hand, Simon couldn't blame him because, even if it was nice what they had, in the end Wilhelm would choose another person. A woman, to be exact. And Simon knew that it would break his heart. Because he really liked Wilhelm a lot. Even when he only knew that deep down inside him.

But he liked Wilhelms laugh, that light in his eyes when he talked about something that was important to him. Simon liked the little scar under Wilhelm's eye. He liked it all too much. Was that perhaps the reason why he was a little, even if it was less than little, relieved that maybe it was over? He knew what the reason was, why he was thinking so, but he didn't really wanted to acknowledge it. He just wanted more time. He wanted more of that feeling he had when he was around Wille. So he would try. Even if it would break him.

Simon: okay.

-

For whatever reason, Wilhelm insisted on going to his bedroom instead of the kitchen. So Simon went towards the sleeping quarters of the royal family when everyone was asleep, which was around 11 pm. As Simon turned the corner still in his thoughts and making plans on how to not lose Wilhelm, he practically bumbed into his arms. "Oh." Simon exhaled in surprise and looked up. Wilhelm was already looking down at him. It was moments like this where Simon became painfully aware of how much smaller he was than Wilhelm. And it were moments like these where he didn't feel like anything else mattered than that wonderful hazel brown in Wilhelm's eyes.
God is this man pretty, Simon thought.

"Hi." Wilhelm whispered with a slight smile on his lips. But in his eyes was something that looked like... concern? Something like that.
"Hey." Simon whispered back. They stood there for a moment. Just looking into eachothers eyes. Simon was grateful for the salvaging darkness, cause there is no way he could've denied the pink colour that was spreading acroose his cheeks right now. From around the corner came a little creek and they both jumped apart. And a knife was stepped into Simons guts.

Wilhelm grabbed his hand and started walking. And Simon followed him. What else was he supposed to do? They walked down the hall that was practically identical to Simon's bedroom hall until they arrived at Wilhelm's room. He opened the door and let Simon through. He walked past Wilhelm and entered the room. It was lit by the lamp on Wilhelm's bedside cabinet and a few candles. It seemed romantic if Simon wouldn't have known better. When he reached the bed, he turned around and saw Wilhelm standing with his arms crossed and his back leaned against the door.

"Wille?" asked Simon cautiously, taking away from Wilhelm's posture that something was wrong. But Wilhelm said nothing. He walked forward to Simon, but simply dropped down next to him on the bed. Simon turned slightly to the side, still standing. "Wilhelm?" he asked again, more worried. Wille looked up and eyed Simon slowly. "Please talk to me." Simon said, yet again, unter his breath.

"I could tell you the same thing," was the only thing Wilhelm said before lowering his gaze again. Simon tilted his head in confusion. "What?" he asked , simply wanting an answer. Had Simon done something? He rummaged through his memories but nothing came to mind that he could have done wrong. Wilhelm still wasn't talking, so Simon tried again:

"Wille, what are you talking about? I don't understand-"
Wilhelm got up abruptly and ran into the bathroom. Simon threw his arms in the air in frustration. "Wihelm!" he exclaimed a little louder now, "Open your fucking mouth and tell me what the fuck your problem is!" The moment he said it outloud he knew he had overreacted. But it simply frustrated him. It was like talking to a wall.

Simon exhaled once and was about to apologize for being loud and unreasonable when Wilhelm swung out of the bathroom door. "You're not talking to me Simon! I can see that something is not okay and whatever is going on here," he pointed his hand back and forth between the two of them, „also means that we can talk about stuff. That's what you did before! So, please tell me what your problem is so we can sort it out." snapped Wille.

Simon took a step away from Wilhelm and was suddenly... scared. He blinked and in front of him wasn't Wilhelm anymore. It was Micke. "Talk to me!" he shouted and took a step towards him, hand raised. Simon shut his eyes again and in front of him stood Wihelm again. Though it was a blur. Simon felt tears coming up his eyes. "Please." pleaded Wihelm, "tell me what I did wrong. I want to fix it."

"You didn't do anything wrong!" Simon whispered, barely audible. "Oh yeah?" yelled Wilhelm louder again, "So I didn't do anything, huh? Then why the hell are you being so dismissive lately."
Simon looked up from where he had started on the floor. "What?"
"You're all absent and dismissive lately, Simon. You are right fucking now."
"Really?"
"Yes damn it!" Wilhelm exclaimed in exasperation. "You're totally absent-minded, and that's why I'm asking you again now: why, Simon? Why can't you talk to me?"

Simon went into himself and finished thinking about what he had done only minutes before. So it really was that. Because he couldn't explain it any other way. But he couldn't tell Wilhelm that, not at any price.
A little longer, Simon thought, knowing that if he said it, he would lose this thing. And that was the last thing he wanted out of this conversation.

"I don't know." he muttered in a raspy voice as more tears gathered in his eyes. "Bullshit!" shouted Wilhelm, obviously losing his temper. And Simon winced... he had never seen Wilhelm... like this before. And Wilhelm noticed that himself. His face softend in the instant. "Simon... I-" he tried but Simon spoke faster than he thought.

"Wilhelm, I want to be able to talk to people about the person I really like. And I can't fucking do that. Do you know why?"
Wilhelm shook his head but he knew. And Simon knew that. „When I am with you, I feel safe from all the things that hurt me inside and outside. And I want to say this to people. Do you know how fucking much it hurts that I can't?" yelled Simon. Wilhelm looked at Simon with wide eyes. He's gone, Simon thought, I've lost him. "Sim-" Wilhelm tried, but Simon turned around, yanked open the door, and left.

He walked around the corner as fast as his feet could carry him and looked to see if Wille would follow him. All he heard was a door closing. With tears in his eyes, he ran back to his room and buried himself under a mountain of pillows and blankets that were gradually getting water stains over night.

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A/N Just in time for Helloween a bit of angst :D