Choose us (Wilmon FF)

27

(Two days until the next gala)
Simon

Don't get him wrong, Simon was more than happy that he and Wille were getting along again. But he was a secret. Something forbidden. Something that shouldn't exist and something that definitely shouldn't be near Wilhelm, the Crown Prince mind you.

"Are you okay?" Wilhelm asked, pulling him closer. Simon rested his head on Wilhelm's chest and sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I am fine." Simon mumbled and enjoyed the few minutes of silence before Wilhelm pulled away from Simon. "I have to go, honey." Simon raised his eyebrow. "Honey?" he asked in amusement as Wilhelm blushed. "Oh my god. Sorry, that just came out and... I should have asked you to-" While Wille was lost in his words, Simon clambered over to the other side of the bed and pulled Wilhelm into a kiss.

The fact that Wilhelm left his mouth open in shock, Simon used to slide his tongue past his lips. And apparently a switch went off in Wilhelm's head and he kissed Simon back, fighting for the upper hand. And Simon let him. He let out a desperate moan as Wilhelm pulled away. "I really have to go, Simme."

"Then say it again," Simon demanded, smiling at Wilhelm. "What exactly?" Wilhelm asked, leaning over Simon who was sitting on his knees on the double bed and supporting himself with one hand next to him, a smirk on his lips. "Honey." Simon said breathlessly, staring at Wilhelm's lips. "I could also say darling. Or angel. Or sweetheart." Wilhelm said, laughing as Simon let out another moan, this time in exasperation. Wilhelm only laughed harder when Simon slapped him on the chest, realizing how flustered he had just made him.

"I hate you." Simon muttered and rolled away from him, "Leave now or you're not leaving this room today. And I mean that." Simon said and put his boxers back on. "All right, boss." Wilhelm said with a laugh and buttoned up his shirt. Simon got a little kiss on the lips before Wille disappeared into the dark corridors of the castle.

The pain that plagued Simon was less and less present when Wilhelm was actually with him. He was still aware that things would soon come to an end, that midnight tea would no longer be a thing. The moments when Simon had a person who wasn't his sister or his mother. He would still have Ayub and Rosh, they had promised each other that. But he would miss the conversations with Wille. The jokes that Wilhelm made until Simon could no longer breathe. Or the moments when Simon talked his way into a topic and the only way to stop him was a kiss, which was surprising but always left Simon wanting more. But the feeling when Wilhelm was gone and it all fell down in him? It was fucking unbearable.

He paced back and forth in his room, unable to control his thoughts. So he finally put on some clothes and slipped out of the sleeping area of the choir. His feet guided him without him having to control them. He walked through the dark and, at night, cold corridors that led him to where he wanted to go. The only place where he could concentrate. The door opened and closed with a small creak. Simon used the flashlight on his phone to reach the piano, which was only slightly illuminated by the faint moonlight. On the piano was a samll reading lamp which he turned on and let out a big sigh. For strangers it might've sounded like a sob. Simon carefully placed his fingers on the keys and started to play something. He came up with a few song ideas which he saved in various notes on his phone, while making a mental note to finish them eventually. But he got stuck on one specifically. A song that perfectly described what was going onin his head at that moment.

What if I told you, there was someone I really liked?
And what if I told you, that it's you, by my side?
And what if I told you, that you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen?
And what if I told you, you make me the happiest I've ever been?

The words just flowed out of his mouth and after he had sung a line, he immediately wrote it down and continued singing. And so he had the first verse and the chorus.

But one day I'll have to leave
That'll be the day I'll stop to breathe
When I'll be gone, there is no coming back
I'm not that strong I hope you know that
I don't wanne go, but I don't have a choice
I was only good enough, because of my voice
And I know you'd say that I am wrong
But when you can I am already gone

At some point he had a whole text together with a melodie.

What if I told you, there is someone I really love?
And what if I told you, it is you sent from heaven above?
And what if I told you, I do not want to let you go?
And what if I told you, that I love you, oh

"Oh fuck." Simon muttered half sobbing, realizing it. He realized what he had written and that if he'd continued this, it would hurt even more than it already did. He looked up and saw the picture he always stared at, at rehearsals and mumbled, "I'm doing this for you. Please don't be mad at me." He closed his eyes while shutting the door to the music dorm and let out a shaky sigh. As he walked out of the room, he had the feeling that the Wilhelm in the portrait looked even sadder than before.

***
(Third gala day)

On the morning of the third gala, Simon was greeted with a message from Wille.

Wilhelm: I'm so sorry, but I have to concentrate on the gala today. So we can't see each other until tomorrow.

Simon didn't bother to answer. He wasn't really pissed off about it. More disappointed. But deep down he knew that the day Wilhelm stood him up would have to come at some point, but it still hurt like a knife in his chest. He somehow made it to the bathroom to brush his teeth and then to Ayub's room where he and Rosh were waiting to go to breakfast. Somehow he ended up back in his room, alone. And before he knew it, he reached for his pillow and ... cried. He didn't want to ask Wilhelm to do things that were impossible for so many reasons.

Simon reached for his cell phone and opened his gallery. He saw pictures of the two of them in crumpled blankets. Some of them were post-sex pictures. A few are from the day they were on the roof. A few others were just Wilhelm smiling into the camera. And one of them was Wille lying quietly on his pillow, sleeping, a thread of drool on his chin. Simon laughed softly and wiped away a tear.

He grabbed a piece of paper and pen from the end of his bed and wrote down everything that was on his mind. Like a letter to Wilhelm that he was never supposed to get. And when it was all out, he felt so much lighter.
The next time he looked at the clock, there was only time for a shower before he had to be in the dining room.

"You don't look any better," was all Rosh said when Simon entered the room. Simon just shook his head with a smile. I don't feel any better, he thought to himself. Mrs. Fernandez did the same as the last two galas. She checked that everyone was present, checked that Simon had the lyrics memorized correctly and ushered everyone into the main hall. Simon was like a shell of himself. He was present but his mind was somewhere else.

Before he knew it, he was singing something and searching for Wilhelm with his eyes. And he found him. He found the brown that gave him confidence, promises. A brown that had become a home for Simon over the last two months. Another knife in his chest. He swallowed the tears and continued to sing. It was the exact moment when he saw the worry on Wille's face that he was determined to go through with it.

After the performance, he mumbled an apology to Rosh and Ayub and sought out Mrs. Fernandez. "I'm sorry but I'm absolutely filthy and I think I'm going to puke," he gushed. Fernandez was definitely not happy about it but let him go. He breathed a sigh of relief when he got the green light and immediately ran towards the exit, but ran into a person because he wasn't looking up.

"Are you all right?" said Wilhelm and took Simon's arm. Simon wanted to cry, break and fall over. At worst, at the same time. He took a step back and bowed slightly. "I'm sorry, Crown Prince, but I have to leave the gala early. I wish you a pleasant evening." He deliberately didn't look at him as he pushed past him and left. "Fuck." he muttered quietly as his steps made him walk faster and faster. And then he realized it.

Simon had to break it off with Wilhelm before it hurt them both even more.