the swan princess, arthur pendragon

048. roses come with thorns

chapter forty-eight
048. roses come with thorns

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    RONYN USED to think he was a lost cause. Maybe he still was. Arthur never found the ability not to tell him that one day, he might just trip over and onto his own sword from all the times he's tripped in the castle courtyard. But Ronyn has changed. He knew that. He went from sneaking out and drinking himself to oblivion, and then trying to drag himself through council meetings with piercing headaches (that is if he went to those meetings in the first place). He liked running away from his responsibilities because they were his father's responsibilities▬and Ronyn had always sworn to the Lord he'd never be like his father in any way. He'd never raise his voice, he'd never yell, he'd never lift a single hand up and bring it down on any innocent person; a woman, a child▬and most definitely not his own family to intimidate, or to establish authority or discipline. Then his father died, and Ronyn was thrown into the name his father carried with a dreadful shadow Ronyn was supposed to follow, and it sent him into a spiral. What if he was like his father more than he believed? And if he was, what did that make him? A horrible person? That man still haunted him from the grave▬he never left, and it made Ronyn on edge with every breath he took and exhaled.

    There were so many things he had wanted to be. He had wanted to be a Knight. He had wanted to explore and adventure. He had wanted to live his life with a breath of freedom he never experienced before▬and then once again, his father had caged him in; Ronyn's name and birthright had locked and chained him down, forced him to become somebody with a responsibility on his shoulders he had no way to shake off. He had to just accept that▬and accepting that was always hard. Even now, still, Ronyn would glance out of the window of his study and wonder what would happen if he just took his gelding and rode▬galloped and followed the setting sun to see where it took him. But if he did, who would take his place? One of his cousins? A man whom his mother and sister had never met but suddenly had to listen to and call him master? No. That was enough to keep Ronyn where he was. That was enough to keep him from being a lost cause, he was sure of that.

    Though, it didn't stop him from sneaking out. Maybe his mother and sister still believed he was getting drunk and falling asleep near the pigs at the Lower Town taverns▬Ronyn can handle that. If they never knew the truth, the truth would ruin one of the few good things he has managed to find since his life was thrown around. There was one more person who seemed to keep Ronyn from sinking under▬from letting the hauntings of his father control his life and make him run away forever. A young lady who kept Ronyn on his feet and down on earth▬who helped him keep his head straight on his shoulders. Her sense of duty and maturity was perhaps something she should have never had to develop, but she has▬and those things became a realisation; a looking glass into Ronyn's self and where he needed to grow himself. He had been scared at first, but now, he found it comforting to be understood and seen for himself.