Titan's Strength #5

CH 3 My Mouth has a mind of its own

Titan's POV--

I'm sitting in the office in the barn banging my head on my desk. I can't believe what I just said to Jesse. It was hard enough to leave him this morning sleeping in bed like an angel. I honestly didn't want to leave but I forced myself up and made a hasty exit anyway. God why does my love life always have to be so complicated. I hit on girls, I try to date girls but it never seems to work out. I'm starting to think maybe I'm the problem maybe it's me not them that it's me that is sabotaging all my relationships.

Last night was so amazing that I'm actually starting to question myself maybe I am gay maybe I'm like Memphis and I'm just in denial. I have never in my life wanted so bad to touch and play with a penis but last night I couldn't get enough of Jesse's cock and balls, I wanted to touch and play with every inch of his body. I wanted to devour him and he let me. He let me jack, suck, pinch, and bite and mark where ever I chose and he gave back just as good as he got I even have few marks on body as well that I noticed this morning.

Oh well there is no use in stressing about it now it's not like Jesse will ever give me a chance after I said I'm not a faggot. I just panicked and I didn't know what to say or do. I have never seen a hookup after the deed I was all thrown off. But I know if Memphis or Avery ever heard me use the word Faggot they would kill me. Thinking about Memphis and Avery makes me feel ten times worse. Damn I should have Rawlings fuck up tattooed on my forehead.

My dad walks into my office and gives me a "Can't I have just one normal" kid look that makes me smile. "What's up Dad?" He shakes his head laughing. "Not much I thought you would be ecstatic that Lemon Drop and the foul are doing ok after that scare so why are do you looking so down and out?" I rub my temple and contemplate how much I want to share with my fifty nine year old father about my love life.

"I don't think you want to know dad... Honestly." My dad sits in the chair across from my desk. "Why do all my boys think I'm so dense I'm not blind or stupid Titan. Does this have anything to do with the cute little Vet that was here earlier?" I shake my head no. "God dad Dr. Ellison is like your age, believe me it has nothing to do with him." I try but it falls flat even to my own ears.

"Titan you know I ain't talking about Dr. Ellison, he is married you little twit. I'm thinking this little fit your throwin has something to do with the matching hickeys you and that little Jesse were sporting this afternoon." I pale and shake my head no vehemently trying and failing at denying it.

"Come on dad you know I'm not gay. Don't be ridiculous your going crazy in your old age." My dad stands up from his chair and reaches over my desk to slap my arm. "Why I oughta... I am not old. And stop trying to distract me, because we both know you sure sleep with a lot of men to not be gay son. I think you need to do some soul searching and figure out your life your baby brother is married and you haven't even figured out the dating game. Now I try not to compare you boys, but Titan your going to be thirty soon and your mom and I would like to see you settled down and making a family."

I groan."Daaad do you think I don't feel the same way ? Because I do I really do. I would love to be settled at my age have someone to come home to every night and spend my time with, but everyone I have ever tried date has left for some reason or another and I can't control that, so don't put this on me dad because I'm doing the best I can."

My dads face softens and he reaches out and squeezed my shoulder. " I know son I know, I'm just telling you to really think and analyze why your relationships never work out. Could it be that maybe because you like men and want to settle down with a guy, that maybe that's why all these relationships you keep trying at with these women are failing? Don't be to afraid to try son. What's the worse that can happen? It doesn't work out, oh well then go back to women. But son you ain't never gunna know until you try."