Regulus Black/Marauders Era Oneshots

I Long For A Person To Know Every Crevice Of My Mind

Regulus thinks about all he wanted in life as he's dying. He thinks about all he never had. He thinks about James and Lily.

Tw: Implied suicide

Regulus envied Sirius. He envied Sirius and Remus' relationship. He envied Sirius and James' friendship. He even envied Sirius for being able to actually leave the hell hole that was their childhood home.

Regulus wished he was as brave as Sirius. He wished he would finally able to convince himself to leave his parents. He wished he had the confidence to stand up for what he believed in like Sirius always did. He wished he could be friends with muggle-borns. He wished his entire existence didn't scream run to the people around him.

He wished he had a friend that knew the way his brain worked. He wished he had a connection so deep with someone that they could guess what was about to come of his mouth. He wished someone knew him so well that nothing he said could surprise them. He wish he had someone that knew every thought in his head, and every wish crowding his thoughts. He wished someone knew the pain that came from his family.

He wish he had someone that loved him like Sirius did. He wished he had his own Remus. He wish he had someone that he could curl on the couch with. He wished he had something that valued him. That would spend time working out the knots his family so carefully tied. He wished there was somebody willing to lay down everything for him. He wished someone loved him enough to ask him why.

He wished he had the bravery to confess to James that he'd do all of that for him. He'd put himself in harms way for James. He hated that he would, but he would. He wants to learn about James' childhood. He wants to know if his parents created any knots, and he wanted to know how to untie them. He wanted to show someone that he wasn't entirely broken. That he was able to love someone better than his parents. He wished for a second that James felt the same way. That James wanted all of that with Regulus. But, that was a stupid wish. It was a careless wish.

James had Lily. James already had someone he'd throw himself in front of danger for. James had someone that he wanted to undo that knots of. James had someone not nearly as broken as Regulus. James had someone that was so much better than Regulus in every conceivable way.

Regulus knew no one would miss him. He knew that no one would buckle under the weight of his death. He knew no one would stare to long at the newspaper when reading the news. He knew very little people actually cared to know his middle name. He knew a lot of people hardly remember his first. It's a miracle people even remember he exists.

He let himself be dragged below the surface of the water with the knowledge that no dams would be broken in his absence. He took a breath full of water with the knowledge that he will knew have someone know every inch of his brain. He closed his eyes with the knowledge that the person he loved was being loved by anyone.