Regulus Black/Marauders Era Oneshots

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Regulus can feel panic riding up in his chest, but he doesn't want to upset James. He tries to tell James he's fine, but James doesn't believe him.

Tw: Past sexual abuse, ptsd, panic

Regulus tried to suppress the panic that was crawling up his spine. He tried desperately to ignore it, and he begged himself to focus on James. James was the one touching him. James was the one kissing him. James was the one that pushed him backwards onto the bed. Nobody else. James.

It didn't work. He broke away a kiss with James, as James' hands felt their way along his body, and he looked away trying to focus on something else. Maybe if he ignored what was happening, the panic would go away. "Babe?" James' voice broke the silence.

Regulus looked back at James, who had lifted himself away from Regulus. He realized James looked concerned. "I'm okay, we can continue." Regulus didn't want to upset James.

"Are you sure? I won't be upset if you're uncomfortable. I'm sorry, Reg," James sounded guilty.

"I promise I'm okay," Regulus felt the panic loop around his throat. "You c- can continue." Regulus ignored the tears blooming in his eyes.

He was startled when James, instead of moving back down, moved backwards, off of him. "What's wrong, Love? Did I do something?" James' voice was so soft. Regulus just nodded slightly. He tried to ignore the images running through his mind.

"Reggie, tell me what's happening," James sounded so worried. Regulus looked back towards James to find him blurry. He quickly wiped at his eyes. He broke eye contact almost instantly when he brought his arms away from his eyes.  "Please, Love, what can I do?"

Regulus fought the urge to curl in on himself. He stared at James as he trying to make the panic, threatening to drown him, go away. "All I can, i'm, think about is- is someone else's hands on me, um, unwillingly," Regulus whispered, so quiet he kind of hoped James didn't hear it. He did. James looked at him like he just told him the world was ending.

"What can I do? How do I help?" James practically begged. Regulus hated that he didn't really know. "I can, uh, run you a bath if that might help," James offered.

Regulus nodded that sounded nice. He flinched when James tried to grab his hand, to help him up.

"I'm sorry," Regulus muttered. Reaching his hand out, signaling for James to try again. Regulus tried to focus on just James' messy hair. And not the memories forcing themselves to the front of his mind.

Right before they walked into the bathroom, Regulus began feeling like he was being touched again. He felt like there were so many unwelcome hands, all over him. Regulus' knees buckled, and he curled in on himself. He silently begged the world to quit torturing him.

"Regulus, Love, please, what do I need to do?" James begged. He sounded frantic. Regulus just shook his head, quietly sobbing to himself. Why cant the world just leave him alone? Why cant the thing in the sky take pity on him?

"Please, don't touch me," Regulus whispered. He wanted James' safe touch so badly, but he knew it wouldn't feel safe right now.

He flinched when he felt a light cloth laid over his body. He looked up slightly, smiled James with a sad smile on his face. "I got you a light blanket. I couldn't think of anything else. I'm sorry, Love."

He gave James a small smile. He could feel James' love through the small gesture. He could feel himself calm down slightly.

"James, I don't know if it'll work, but can you hold my hand?" Regulus asked, quietly. Regulus was surprised, he shouldn't have been, when James instantly comes over. He sat close, but not to close, to Regulus, and he laid his hand out for Regulus to take.

Regulus took a deep breathe, and he put his own shaking hand into James'. He let out a relieved breath when it felt safe. He smiled at James when he could feel his home in James' touch. He slowly scooted closer to James as the images running through his mind slowed, and he no longer felt the phantom touches of the man.

He relaxed as he listened to James' heartbeat.

"Are you okay now, Love?" James whispered. He slowly brought a hand up to carefully run through Regulus' hair. He nodded into James' chest.

"Thank you," Regulus paused, "For stopping." He knew he was telling James not to, but he was so grateful James hadn't continued. He felt safe right now, in James' arms. He knew that wouldn't have been the case if James had actually listened to him.

"Of course, I would never force you to do anything, Regulus."

And, Regulus believed James.