Ice Cold

42

Wren Ridley

James was last-minute packing all the things he was taking home for winter break, clearly trying to ignore my stare as I sat across the room from him. I had finished my last final and had my car packed with my things. Now all I had to do was wait for Landon to finish his, and the two of us would go home.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked yet," James said, glancing over at me.

"I know you're just dying for me to ask," I said. "Or dreading it."

James scoffed. "I don't dread anything."

"You're hilarious," I replied with a laugh. "Go ahead and tell me what you want to tell me."

"Okay, maybe I have been trying to avoid telling you this," James said, moving back and forth on his feet in a nervous manner.

"I figured."

"Short story is Anthony and I were never actually dating," he started. "We were seeing each other, hooking up. He wanted a commitment. I was scared of commitment. You know how it is."

"And the longer version?" I had a feeling I knew at least part of what he was going to say, and I couldn't go an entire winter break with the suspense.

"The longer version is I was hooking up with multiple people at the same time, including you," he continued, raising his eyebrows at me. "Before I knew Anthony wanted to be exclusive. He had an issue with me hooking up with you because he thought I was really into you, which I guess I was."

He looked away from me for a moment.

"I never thought me and you were gonna, like, date or anything," James said, looking back to me. "But I liked hooking up with you, and Anthony, but he wanted to be exclusive, and I wasn't ready for that, so I just told him that. And he thought it was about you even though I told him it wasn't."

"I'm flattered," I said sarcastically.

"Shut up," he replied in a whiny tone. "Anyway, we kinda fought about it and I ended up telling him I didn't want him."

"Which clearly isn't true," I added.

"Right," he confirmed. "It was like I wanted him to
only be with me but I could be with whoever, and that's just wrong and stupid of me. I wanted his exclusivity, but I didn't want to give him mine and I didn't realize that until recently."

"When you started following him to bars," I added for him with a smirk.

"Shut up," he snapped, though I could tell he wasn't annoyed, just embarrassed. "Yes, I started noticing myself getting... jealous when I saw him with other people. I didn't follow him to the bar the other night. It was just a coincidence."

"Sure it was."

"It was," James urgently tried to convince me. "I may or may not have had a little too much to drink and started telling guys he was talking to to back off, which obviously pissed him off."

"Because you can't commit to him, but you expect him to be available to you."

"No, I never expected that," James denied.

"I'm just saying that's how he sees it," I replied. "You're confusing him."

"I'm confusing myself," he muttered. "But I do want him. I want to be with him. And yes, before you say it, I know it's unfair of me to expect him to want to be with me now after all this time."

"Well, I think he does anyway," I said. "Even though it's unfair."

"I guess we'll see after break," James said with a sad smile. "That's what he decided. I don't think he trusts me to be committed, which I totally get."