The World Is Ours

The Beginning of A New Life

Lacey's version ~

*5 years ago*

My heart is thumping furiously, my fingers drumming against the coffee table, anxious and my face burning into a crimson red. I'm sat in the office with the safeguarding lead at school and my mum adjacent to me. Fear is bubbling inside of me and if I open my mouth to speak, I'll cry. I don't know if they'll call social services again after my disclosure or just handle it internally. All I know is if something bad happens I'm going to k*ll myself. I can't handle another emotional attack. Watching her manipulate others like that and them falling for it makes me feel physically ill. I feel trapped. I feel - A sharp voice cut through my thoughts like steel. "Lacey. Miss Clapham and I have talked and we have come to a mutual decision that there is no need to involve social services this time. Your mum says you question authority quite often and make excuses when you don't get your way. It doesn't sound like an abuse situation, so you will be going home, I hope. If you run away, we are obligated to call the police". It broke me to hear the one person who I felt supported by at school to dismiss my cries for help. It had taken so much courage to open up about my home life and it just blew up in my face. Angry denials and profanities were at the tip of my tongue, ready to spew out but I just couldn't talk. The silence was unbearable. I rushed out of the office, past reception and onto the main road. My senses heightened, chest taut and eyes blurred with tears. I was 12. I was still a child. It was people's duty to protect me. Sounds of traffic passed by me. Colours passed by me. I felt dizzy but refused to go back. Fuck them. Fuck it all. I may be 12 but I won't condone abuse, I won't do it. I got to the end of the road and the world went dark again.

Current day
Lacey's version ~

Sometimes I wake up and can't immediately register that I'm safe. I wake up confused by the silence and friendly chatter by my door as opposed to insults and screams and other noises that I've learned to block out. Sometimes I feel like I'm still there, in my house in East London, tears scorching my face and blood streaming down my wrists after a scream fest with my mum. I swallowed the memory down and headed for the door. I saw girl around my age with chestnut hair with purple tints and heavy eye makeup. She was doing laundry. Maybe I should just wait until the kitchen is empty to use it. I can't start a fight with anyone on my first week here. Damn. Social anxiety hitting me again. I turned around to leave when I heard someone say hi. It sounded sweet, like honey and maple leaves in autumn. I can't explain it. But it was like a huge contrast to how I expected people to speak here. I turned around, hopefully not too abruptly. Hey, I said, trying to sound casual like my palms weren't clammy and I wasn't about to pass out from the uncertainty. I had been here 4 days and hadn't really spoken to anyone yet. I headed for the front door. Fuck food, I was going to need something a lot stronger to cope with the intensity of my emotions.

(hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the first part. please be kind as this is heavily based on my life and experiences and let me know if there's anything you want me to include and feedback is appreciated x💕)